It’s Been A Long Time

Today was a decent day at work because I came in, knew what I had to work on and immediately began on the file. Also, there was some confusion in the morning as everyone was on their knees looking for a copy of ‘Philosophy of Evidence’ as if they were actually looking for a lost mouse on the office floor. I tried to help because obviously they would love me if I’d have been able to seek it, but we kinda found out that it was lying in the boss’ car all that while, and it was his negligence that had caused the office to turn into four year old idiots transiently.

I sat down with my case with great gusto knowing that the boss had himself given it to me, and also knowing fully well that today being a Friday, I might get a shot at leaving early and going to have fun actually wearing a pair of jeans and a top that doesn’t have a collar or reek of formality.

But my sub conscious self however kicked in and suddenly as I was sifting through the photos on K’s laptop (I carried his to work today, but STILL to no avail. The net wasn’t working there either, so its some DNS issue with me being cursed when it comes to IP access) I came to the sad revelation that I, as a person, am as tiny as it gets and I’m never going to grow taller.

I felt so funny standing there in two inch heels. Like who the hell am I kidding? As if that’s ever going to make a difference. Now I know what you must be thinking, this is purely an episode that’s playing in my head. However, it makes me feel like people don’t take me seriously or professionally because of my size.  I mean, come on! For God’s sake, Im earning as much as graduates do, and I have a brain the size of the universe. But whatever.

I’ve been drowning myself in a pool of work trying to save a total tard who’s filed a petition against his dad, who’s dad has apparently acted unlawfully by increasing the authorized share capital and what not. Seriously?

Anyway, I’m going to make myself non insignificant, non irrelevant and non inconsequential if I can. Because really, those are the things I’ve been feeling.

x EdgyShark x

Three Times-A Charm?

I feel like Reese Witherspoon from Legally Blonde. (All parts.) Except, in blue though, not so much pink. Note to self: wear nothing other than black and white from tomorrow. Anyway, today I was given a task on the Civil Procedure Code, and if you looked at its size, you’d pass out, at least secretly in your mind for about three seconds. The internet is also functioning, hence this post straight from the advocate’s desk!, but I spent most of the morning trying to make my browser work.

How irritating is it when everything, including sexy torrent speeds working and your browser not being able to open google.com?! I’m not even sure I can understand what I need to comprehend in the CPC. I met the boss this morning, he’s such a fun guy. Thank goodness he’s the authority around here, because he seemed to be really smart and out going and spent some time talking to me. He thinks I’m a small kid, so yay! brownie points right there. He’s taking me to court tomorrow I noticed a copy of Steve Jobs’ biography and connected with him on that level too. K was right, there are so many Jobs lovers everywhere!

Note to self: Borrow book from K and READ!

Today, I learnt to take the auto on my own from my dilapidated place of stay to the workplace and realized that I wasted thirty precious bucks on a ten minute walk. Anyway, *dumb blonde moments in progress* I have to get back to understanding the VIth Order now. I’ve done that, and I’ve read Davies on Contract, but I just feel like a lost kitten in a pile of books.

MEAOW?

x EdgyShark x

The End of an Era

Undoubtedly, the worst part of the year has just about begun. Or it could count as one of the best. Even though 2010 isn’t yet over, I’m pretty sure it’s been a hell of a year for me. I’ve loved every bit of it.

Especially this next bit – Attending school for the very last time in my life.

Here’s to the last fourteen years; because we only believe in stepping stones.

x EdgyShark x

The Forgotten Homeland

I had a fairly tough time explaining to my chauffeur earlier this evening, as to why, we as humble citizens of this nation should not succumb to fear and ridiculing, that politicians around us make us feel. The roads were empty as he drove irritated in order to make me reach yet another of my casual frolic filled appointment with a friend.

I put my earphones back in as I heard him use the hindi equivalents for ‘snob’, ‘always do what you feel like’, and ‘never understand my point of view’.

The Ayodhya verdict was finally out and it’s been decided, quite obviously, to divide the land equally so that everyone gets a fair share and our country witnesses its first civilized exchange of greetings, on a national scale, on the basis of religion at least.

Terrorism and violence or nothing at all, most people stayed ‘safely’ locked in their own homes, trying to breach out comforts from their television sets, because that’s what apparently “everyone else is doing too, so I should follow suit.”

Let’s first look at the objective of spreading terror or simply getting into a not-called-for public brawl: The idea is to instill a sense of unnecessary fear in the minds of the irrelevant, because they are the target group that consists of the unaware and the ones who simply wouldn’t bother much. People like you and me; Of course we feel for our country, but tomorrow if some monument got demolished, it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Because we have been taught to embrace things with grace, and that comes with time and patience – where time may not heal things, but simply make us forget about certain facts, which otherwise remain recorded in the books of the legislature at large.

Do you think it’s wrong if I called you a hypocrite when one hand you blame these political parties, and on the other quite obediently listen to them when they impose strikes and riots without taking your consent?

It’s time to handle things more maturely. It’s high time to practice exactly what we preach, or have been preaching. Gandhi, the father of our proud nation, once taught us the meaning of a simple word: non-violence. That was one thing that the foreigner colonies were not able to take away from us; that was one specialized resource that no East India Company was able to siphon off from us.

So where is that simple emotion lost today? Is Gandhi’s birthday only to be celebrated as another day off on school calendars, another day off to sleep in on a working day or another bottle of alcohol to cherish on the first night of October because the next day can be spent working off the hangover since it’s a public holiday?

And you call yourself a citizen of this nation? On what grounds?

Take the day off, sure. But let some positivity and enthusiasm to do something better thrive within your conscience. Learn to say no to what you feel is wrong, with an open heart, because differences only creep in due to negative emotions.

These great men have become a part of history for a greater cause. They tried to feign evil and wrong doing in the most sophisticated manner possible, known. Yet, that’s not all. They’ve left behind a legacy for the rest of us to follow, something that’s rotting away with time and getting lost in this world that we’re living in.

Something that is getting mauled by the over-adoption of western cultures; something that is already ours, which we might possibly only learn to value after it will be lost within this ever expanding universe of conformity.

So open your minds quicker, time’s ticking away.

x EdgyShark x

Today Was A Fairytale

Well, not quite. I’ve had better PROPER fairytale days. *Reminisces*

But;

1. I found my jeans.
2. I found my wallet
3. I found my missing piece of mind.

x EdgyShark x

Trumping The Positive

You can only hope that the world you’re living in, is something that you’re actually living. What if everything around you is nothing but a projection of your own subconscious? What if everything that you’re actually living, turns out to be a lie?

But you wouldn’t know, would you? Because it’s the power of the mind, you’re very own subconscious that’s feeding these thoughts into you like a parasite. You can’t resist it, and on another level you do not even want to resist it. It’s playing a trick on you, something for which you might have to pay a very high price for later.

But you can’t stop what it’s doing to you, because on another level, you want it to continue. Because after all, it is but you’re mind and your thoughts that are causing it to do whatever it is that it is doing, thinking about.

Where does reality begin? Is it where the artificial world ends?

Everything is what you think it to be. Projections of your own subconscious, something that is beyond the control of your grasp when you’re awake, but perfectly in tandem with your emotions when you’re in a state of dormancy. It’s ironic, isn’t it? How you’re able to control something better when you’re not doing anything?

At least you think you’re not doing anything, but is that the truth? Who knows what’s happening when your eyes are shut to the world. The world you think you live in.

You think.

But you don’t know for sure.

Every single time a positive emotion takes over your mind, it is bound to take place in reality unless it becomes ill equipped with bouts of negativity. There is no one capable of making you think out what could be even if it is not what is meant to be. What has to happen, will happen. But isn’t that something that you can control?

Water will flow, the sun will shine. Those aren’t things that you can take care of, but are things that could be present in your world. What if I told you there is nothing of that sort in my world? My world where things happen how I want them to.

My world, where whatever I wish takes place. Things I do not even know I wish for, happen. Because even if it is my existence, your existence, you’re thinking about that each and every projection and how it goes about it’s daily routine.

And at the end of the day, when you come back and lie down on your pillow, it’s the time when you don’t think about a single figment of your mind, but what it is that affects you and how it is that affects you. Melts you down, makes you stronger, stranger.

And at that moment, everything seems real, until you fall into a state of bliss again. Not knowing what is going to happen next, or what might have been had you not fallen prey to your own self.

Your greatest enemy, your best friend.

The only thing that you shoudl treat like God, yet you invite foreign particles into your thinking and slowly, with time, fool yourself into believing that you are not the sole entity of your own existence.

It is then that you invite trouble. In order to take the lime light off yourself and not be the center of attention. Gradually and eventually, you begin to treat yourself as the enemy and forget where you commenced. You forget that even though you might not be the most vital aspect of the universe, but you are the single most important thing of your own existence.

And that is all that matters, because who is to say that the others around you are not real but are actually your imagination?

But you will never know that, even when at the last moment, it all comes scathing in a rush to tell you that it’s your last chance to survive in the game.

x EdgyShark x

Fragile

Is it real, my imagination?

Or is it playing the heavy role of a masquerade?

The pain, it has to be. But you wouldn’t know

Would you?

It will sting you too one day because

If there’s one thing every

Person feels, it is

Pain.

In whatever amount it might be, but

You see I’m not a liar

As much as you can’t help me.

Because even if it is my imagination, it

Is my pain.

And I don’t want to be healed

By you.

My life will have its own ironies, and

My pain is something you will not

Feel.

I have found my source

Of Comfort. And I don’t

Need You.

Because you see, if you think

I’m lying, how do I know

For sure that you’re not?

But to put you on an honor roll by

Writing about you would be blasphemy.

So this is for all those

Who understood my

Pain

And helped to heal my mind

So it can heal

The Pain

By Itself.

x EdgyShark x

Beeeeeera!

What was not to like? The cold story line, the leftover drama or the excellent sense of cinematography and direction?

Take your pick. The title track’s a favourite and I’m sad it only played during the opening credits.

Honestly though, a theatrical play could have been made out of the same thing and saved on a lot of costs. You cannot go wrong with the beats, the grooves and the music and you probably already know that Mani Ratnam is a freaking wizard. I wonder whether AB behaves the same in reality or not. I loved the location, the sets and the fact that Beera actually means Beer like Raavana is actually Raavan.

Haha.

x EdgyShark x

Puzzled Pricks

No, no. the CLAT paper that I have to write after eleven months cannot be based on ridiculous puzzles like the ones we had to sit and solve in class today.

Thankfully, by the end of the day (and giving up) the math professor told us that none of that nonsense was going to be a part of the test and that he’d just given it because “Sometimes, it’s just fun to annoy you guys and itch your non-existent brain cells.”

Jerk.

x EdgyShark x

The Unnecessary City

I can’t believe I’m back slogging in the routine. But at least there are some things that I missed about Calcutta. Stuff like, the familiar roads and the people that I hate/like so much.

I missed the radio stations and the amazingly great songs that they play here. Mumbai’s music sucks except till the night clubs. Even then .. !

I missed Cakes and Kookie Jar. So I gulped down two veg puffs right after school. And the cute-ish guy that works there. He totally has a thing for me. I missed meeting Vidhi and Varnika and Vrinda and the rest of them kids that squeal so much and eat my head up all time and then end up making me feel so good!

What else, what else. I don’t know. Feeling like crap about living here and then thinking about how to make changes. Barista.

Making the most unnerving of plans.

I don’t think I missed much.

x EdgyShark x