The O.C – Ostentatious Crap
So yeah, I’ve been party to a hell load of free time, despite high school taking alot out of my plate, so I’ve been catching up on my soaps. All kinds of them teenage dramas.
And my sister left me The O.C season 1 (The whole disc *squeals like a freakish sixteen year old who just found her Blahniks*) so I decided to give it a shot – again.
The Orange County, and embrace your seats everyone, should be renamed Ostentatious Crap.
I mean, honestly, what the hell is going on there? So yeah, I began, and Ryan moves into Newport, from Chino, with the Cohens. All that’s fine, fancy-shmancy house, amazingly wild Californinian waves, the people, the parties. Or maybe not.
First up, Marissa Cooper. You’d think she’s that cute girl next door chick. That’s what I did too, till about the sixth or the seventh episode. But uhm, I’m afraid she’s just WEIRD. Like not even in the way *I* am. I mean, all she cares about is, “Oh my God, my life is SUCH a mess!” Alright fine, she went through a bad time, what with her parent’s divorce and her dad getting bankrupt and all of that, but yeah Marissa, we get the message! You don’t have to portray how helpless you are EVERY episode till the end! And mid-season, she gets so messed up, drugs and sedatives and alcohol and anorexia and shoplifting and what not.. “Ryan, I love you. But oh! I love Luke too.. What am I gonna do!” And Luke’s just dumb. Like the dumb-jock kinds. All brawn and no brain.
Summer, Summer. Summer! “Like EWW! Totally. Oh My GOD! Did you see my new Prada bag?! Seth Cohen?! Like, TOTAL nerd EWW!”
Erm, in case you’re wondering? I don’t know what else to write because her vocabulary’s limited to that.
Sometimes, you forget that the serial is actually based on Ryan’s life, because well he hardly speaks. He’s got like SIX dialogues per episode! All he can do apart from that is turn his countenance into something freakishly innocent (which by the way, isn’t even *that* cute) and it just makes me want to hit him.
I think Seth Cohen’s character is strong. And strappy. He’s not a nerd. He’s a geek. Captain Oats is his weakness, and he’s actually hot. Why he fell for Summer, I’d really not know. And Anna? He pats her on the head like his little bitch! Why are they in a relationship again? Oh right, because she lured him into being in one. Yaaaah.
Julie Cooper. Wow. The woman makes me want to throw a working blender on her. She’s the epitome of the Wicked Witch from the West. All she can do is wear Chanel and make sure that her daughter goes out with Luke (because, she’d have someone with money to maary, so her job’s done), complain about her husband, who I actually feel for despite the stealing from his clients’ bit, and live off the Cohens. In fact, live off everyone.
This woman, is enough to carry Gossip Girls on her own. She wouldn’t need any other characters, she’s too strong. Gaahd. No wonder Marissa has issues. And Julie fails to even understand that. Husband ran out of money? Divorce him the next day and hump on Caleb because he’s the Donald Trump of the beach. Daughter took one too many painkillers to ease the pain of the divorce, send her to a mental asylum. She got accused of being from a downtrodden area, retail therapy is the way to go even if there’s like five nickels in her non-existent bank account.
Jimmy Cooper’s another idiot. The Cohens helped him SO much, and he’s nothing more than a whiney three old who’s candy someone stole. He annoys me.
Kirsten and Sandy Cohen are faaaine. And what does the school principal Dr. Kim think she is? Well. I’ll tell you. She’s nothing more than a megalomaniacal feline creature who has no idea what she’s doing but at the same time thinks that Harbour High is doing well because of her. If you still don’t get what I mean, well, she’s SO dumb that she can be bought with a dollar if she was drunk. And I hate her hairdo. It makes me want to puke.
That new, instable kid Oliver Trask who’s trying to get with Marissa? Is just psychotic. And I don’t understand why Ryan doesn’t tell Marissa he has insecurity issues of her being with him, because communication would just solve all the problems. But no, “We’re dumb chicks from Newport beach, HI-5!”
Every episode, they land up in jail. Or there’s a fist fight, or they get busted for doing drugs, or someone gets shot and Julie Cooper blames Ryan for the mess. Gawd. They can’t even get into “safe” trouble!
They just anger me. The whole lot. I mean, that is what our generation consists of, right ? And people like me, who’d actaully stop to watch such shows?! Haha. But despite all of this, it’s safe to say that it’s still *not* the gayest thing ever. Because that would be The Secret Life of the American Teenager, and that, I’m going to bitch about later.
And I’m going to write more a little while later, when I refill my glass of cranberry juice, and am ready for another round, of The O.C.