The Half-GAY Prince?


I’ve been waiting for the release of the sixth Potter movie since, well, 2007 to be specific. And then recently, since it got delayed from it’s May-time release. And today when I finally was all excited and hyper about stuffing my face with tomato chilli popcorn while swooning at the wonder that J.K Rowling’s created, my fantasy world just came to a standstill.

With my hands full of junk food, I scrambled for my seat as the Warner Bros logo, with the patent dementor atmosphere in the background, showed a larger than life image. Swooping noises, black mist, the sound of shuffling feet, you couldn’t tell reality and reel apart.

London comes into view.

I patiently waited for the mangy looking Rufus Scrimgeour, he didn’t appear. The director and screen-writer probably just forgot a main portion of the novel that they adapted. Forgiven.

Bellatrix, according to Oodler, was outright hot. I mentioned to the voices in my head, that of course she was one of the characters who had actually gotten so into role, that she came off as a schizophrenic, looking for her lost barbie doll. Nonetheless,  very well performed. But the whole bit with the running around the wheat field and shrieking like a banshee just made the seven year old sitting behind me scream with fright. “Go on, make the Unbreakable …  Vow!” she hopped and jumped about in glee. And I loved her, however maniacal she might’ve seemed.

Diagon Alley looked like Knocturn Alley. Maybe because its recession time, they had to cut in space, trick the audience, and make optimal use of the land resources. Who cares as long as it looked original, right? But a disappointment? There was no mention of  “U-No-Poo: The Constipation Sensation That’s Gripping The Nation” Poster. Fred and George Weasley though, were hot. And it really would’ve suited the ego of the uncountable girls that were already drooling on their coke straws to get more wit out of the twins.

But I think Draco Malfoy more than made up for it. The whole eye-candy part, I mean. And that’s about it. Clad in custom made Armani (forgive me if I’m wrong) and what not, he looked hot (I think I’ve used the word a number of times to form a clear statistical tabulation now,) enough to kill. But all he did was mope around. Again, given that his role asked for it, he played his part with full justice. The little bit of action at the beginning was pretty darn good, also the scene in the boy’s bathroom. But no Moaning Myrtle in sight. Whatever happened to her? Maybe she was off snogging Dean Thomas in his spare time or something.

Well into the movie, I had no idea *what* in Voldemort’s name was going on. And as far as I can remember, there are mentions of the Dark Lord in the book. But Ralph Fiennes just must have been busy making out with a flight attendant on the Qantas or Lufthansa or something, to have spared some amount of precious time to actually be asked by Yates to come on set and act. Fair enough, Forgiven.

Lavender Brown seriously needs to save up for treadmills instead of love potions and frilly hair ribbons. Snape’s begun affording shampoo and conditioner, which came as a shock. A good, needed one, though 🙂 Although, his dialect and dusky speech, still remain weirdly unnerving. His slurred talk was interesting, although a little bit faster could have saved the movie a few more minutes. And that job could also be done if instead of having Lav-Lav and Won-Won make Her-My-Own-Ninny jealous, a few more vital portions of the book could have been portrayed.

Like the much anticipated scenes with the memory vials and the pensive. Is it just my wrong remembrance or did they actually leave out the whole part, where Riddle’s birth history was explained? With his mother, and muggle father and drunk relatives and the origin of the RING! I have a feeling Yates’ left that for M.Night Shyamalan.

Moving on to Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore. I actually cried when I read the book a couple of years ago. Feeling the full weight of everything that took place. But today evening, was just weird. I couldn’t stop myself from laughing out loud at all the wrong scenes. Because YES, the movie comprised nothing but a string of misconstruable dialogues and a good cast that unlike the sets wasn’t put to excellent use and “Exceeded Expectations.”

Luna Lovegood came on screen with those quirky silver (wizard version of) 3-D glasses and several copies of The Quibbler, and I think that was the only time my funny bone got affected.

Both the male protagonists are so gay, Katy Perry’s song makes them look like supermen. Dumbledore: “Hold my arm Harry”
Oodler whispers into my ear: “Yes Professor, let’s walk down the aisle together!”

The whole scene with the fight at Hogwarts looked more like a fight between my sister and myself, and also reminded me how we used to fake-stun each other to get to the funky clothes first. I missed Hagrid, Slughorn was good though. Everything he did was just like Potter fans across the globe must have imagined in their minds. Floating amock the artificial Burberry printed clothes, he was one new character, and it’s safe to say, who had substance and style, in his own “Sluggish way.”

The only freaky bits: Inferi suddenly grab Harry’s hand, also the 5 second Katie Bell in the air scene.

Oh, and this move is REALLY PG because well, one of the Inferi really tried to make out with The Chosen One. And that was explicit. Looked like an act right out of Equus, you wanna watch your eyes, little ones 😛

Cormack McLaggen was a bit of a daft prick. Teenage hormones raged everywhere, but then again that was portrayed better in the fifth movie. British warlock relationships are also so weird. And abrupt. You don’t understand at all what’s happening when.

Towards the end, with the pleading and drinking at The Caves, when he does find the locket, this is what was going on at my end:
Me: He didn’t even open it! There was no mention of R.A.B!!
Oodler: Wait, wasn’t that J.A.R?
*thinks for a second* Oodler: Oh right no. That’s the title of a Greenday song.

Everything could have just been so much better. But I’m not complaining, merely stating the obvious facts. And I forgot to mention Spoiler Warning at the top, so sorry WB if your sales go down. *shrugs*

x EdgyShark x

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About edgyshark

What?

Posted on July 18, 2009, in Review(ing) Eccentricity and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. Is Indeed Harry “The Chosen One” Potter

  2. AHAHAaahah! HP seems to have turned from fantasy to comedy. Can’t wait to watch it 😀

  3. No, its neo-Jesus Potter, and I cant stand him or the contorted expressions that he calls acting or the fact that he is as good an actor as I am an athlete (which, in case you totally missed the point, is peals-of-laughter-and-sharp-kicks-on-the-shins-inducing).

    *takes a deep breath and whirls*

    I shall go watch the movie once MUN gets over. Yes.

  4. Better than Mush. Definitely!

  5. Like it makes a difference!

    Dear Edgy Shark,

    Your sarcasm, needless to say is inspiring (to most), but I would have expected you to be somewhat kind to a franchise that you have *worshiped* for most of your formative years.

    After all, you have to admit that capturing something as brilliant as a subjective world entirely of your own making, is nothing less that … ambitious!

    Forgive me, for I have not yet seen it myself, but after this, i am tempted to not ruin things for myself either. Just one thing actually comes to mind..’why do they even bother!’ …and the answer is rather simple, because idiots like us will still watch it…

    ~rj

    • Well said, P.Sawyer, and point definitely taken into account. But after all, they were the books we very much fell in love with. And the characters that ran wild in our minds. *swoons*
      Hope to see you soon 🙂 L<3Ve!

  6. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve loved the books, felt the same sentiment JKR meant for us to feel. It’s just the movies that don’t match as much.

  7. Saintly Devilish

    Hey! I want to watch it still…maybe you have just whetted my appetite a little more….

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