That Upturned Collar
This isn’t a post about the suave looking, Cavalli wearing, Australian accent-ed (Basically Hugh Jackman-ish!) men that Sharks like us dream about in our own fiction-stricken realities. I hope it was, but alas, it isn’t. Because men like them don’t exist. Anymore, so it seems.
Today, you walk out to get noticed, and all you’ll probably get to feast your already sore eyes on, would probably include seventeen(-nineteen, twenty, the list doesn’t end as you age day after day) year old wannabes.
Don’t get me wrong, there might be some of you out there (men, of course) who really don’t belong to such harsh categorizing, and that is one of the reasons you’re part of my ‘friend circle’, but the rest of you, are just well, non-Jackman material. *nods head disappointedly*
Just because you’ve got the latest trends in, and that branded underwear sticking out the back of your jeans, it doesn’t mean you’re good to go. Yeah, let’s just start with the dressing. It’s just so, repulsive! And I fail to understand why girls actually have a thing for those kind of guys.
Buy a belt for heaven’s sake, pal! My eyes are tired and exhausted. And even if I didn’t want to look, which I wasn’t even doing in the first place, your clothing’s just TOO visible. !
Don’t upturn that collar just to look like a ‘dude.’ Because you won’t end up looking like one. You’ll end up looking like an extra from the movie Torque, who’s face was burnt or something, so much so that they didn’t even like him enough to hide behind all the dust the Harleys generated.
It gives a very frat-boy look that would only probably suit Logan Huntzberger. (Haawtness alert, there.)
Boxer shorts look like weird cloth-ed prints unless you’re the right kind of guy with the right kind of an attitude to carry it off. But of course, that goes for any kind of clothing. Boxers look cute on girls. And on some guys. On others, that try way too much, it just looks obnoxious or something. I don’t know. Fine, wear those boxers out. Just borrow one of my belts before you do leave, though.
Oh my, and the number of guys that I know and see around me doing all of this. It’s not jealousy that’s making me write this, it’s pity. Pity for the lack, there of, of fashion sense that they think they may possess. Pity about the fact that their intellectual capacity doesn’t even range to the size, a little less than negligible, of a teaspoon.
HEARD OF TIM GUNN?!! OR PARSONS SCHOOL OF DESIGN?! Because if you haven’t then you shouldn’t even come close to defining yourself as a fashionista of any kind. *breathes*
Wear pink. It actually might look good.
Go easy on the gel! The rate at which some of you slap it on could really increase threats to global phenomenons like the green house effect! I’m sure it has no connection, but speaking, still!
And sometimes, the gel makes you look uggggly. Unless of course, you’re a Vora/EdgyShark approved guy.
(And unless you’re Jackman, or Ledger or even Shakespeare for that matter!)
I’m not even going to mention the ill-usage of Crocs. And the things it can do to harm you. Harm US, for that matter.
And then we have the candy-pop guys.
Let me explain that for your benefit. This term mostly refers to young men who have no ambition whatsoever, roam around the entire day with one arm on their equally non-aspiring girlfriends and the other on their Rolex watches, (don’t get me started here, Rolex has lost all it’s charm and class, and if you were a true watch connoisseur, you’d be WELL aware of that fact,) hookah-ing by day, getting sloshed by night, all the time. You do it once in a while, it’s perfectly excusable. But these men, *tsk* they’ve lost all focus.
Heck, focus has probably become the cause for their dyslexia.
And they think they look hot. They think that fake tattoos make them ‘cool’.
Piercings. Eww-eth. Unless you’re Travis Barker or something of that sort, that’s a real no-no. Over-sized sunglasses?! Ohh, they look hot alright. But you, aren’t even being able to pull of jeans, so that would be a tad bit difficult, don’t you think?
And above all, it would really suit those unwanted biceps if they got a little exercise and turned out to look lean and gentlemanly.
What the hell am I talking about?!
You don’t even know the proper use of the english language! Disgusting text-y lingo, IM’ing like an ape caught midway in the process of evolution, it’s THERE for heavens’ sake, not ‘DER’! It really wouldn’t harm that extra millisecond of your already wasteless living to type out the innocent ‘T and H’ once in a while!
I’m just kind of so sickened by even the kind of music these jerks listen to. I don’t even want to get started on that. That cheesecake just might get offended too.
Go ahead, tell me about some of the turn-offs that you think are completely appliccable in this case.
x EdgyShark x