Damn You, Lame Accented Call Center Freaks!

“Good evening ma’am, this is _______ (insert name) speaking, how may I help you?”

How may you help me??! Well for starters, my phone’s giving me a hard time and I want a new (not touchscreen, but) smartphone , malnourished children are getting eaten by vultures in Africa, Syd doesn’t have the means to buy Italy right now, I don’t have a guitar and I feel like singing RIGHT this instant, I didn’t get to take part in the L.N Birla debate this year I want to bang the drums hard with my hardly used Zildjian sticks, my dad’s not going to get me Manolo Blahniks for my seventeenth and I’m not really Carrie Bradshaw, I don’t like my butt even though it’s probably just fine and I seldom remember the word ‘exercise’, Selena Gomez doesn’t give me tips on how to go global with my music, I REALLY want my architecture proposal to rebuild the school “green” to be accepted so that I’ll have something to add on to my CV, getting an internship is getting so hard, the heat is killing me, THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!



Instead, I just said “Look, my internet connection’s giving me a hard time, and don’t give me a complaint number because I ALREADY have one. It’s high time it started working, some of us have work to do, you know,” very annoyedly.

At which he goes, “Yeas ma’am, I unddersttend yerr praablem und I vill just forwerd ay mail to de technical team.”

“I beg your pardon!?”

“Uh, ma’am aii vill just forwerd yerr call to de technical team, please stay on de line.”

“Uhh, whatever.”

*Weird music follows for five minutes*

“Yess ma’am, yerr complaint has been lodged please take down yerr complaint number, 10556686 and we vill see to it that yerr connection works as soon as possible.”

“And HOW soon is as soon as possible? Because I am getting extremely annoyed and am not being able to finish with my work!” Even though that work = blogging and well minor Dostoevsky researching, but he didn’t need to know that. My life does not function if I know that my internet is down with the swine flu.

“Uhh, ma’am I apologize sincerely (stop apologising you idiot, and DO something about it!), but it should start wurrking soon.”

So what am I supposed to say to that? “Uh-uhm-HPMPH-fine!”

“Thenk you ferr caaalling ma’am. Have ay naaice dey.”

Oh, and before you call them, to *get* to these “executives” you’ve got to first hear that stupid female voice asking you to press “1 for english … 3 if you are an existing customer .. 2 if you would like to avail our offers … 6 if you would like to go back to the main menu … 3 for broadband BLAH BLAH BLAH.”



So can’t there like ALSO be a number to press for clean, good english?! Can’t I talk to someone who doesn’t get intimidated by my annoyance and tells me the above smartly!? Where ARE all the smart people? Do they not exist anymore?! Is our number gradually becoming extinct. (I was under the impression that a number of young people worked in call centers part-time.)

And to think that they call them efficient. That’s something I just completely detest about this growing planet era. Just because you don’t have to pay them much, you’ll hire them. “If you want quality, please don’t come to us. We only serve quantity.”And  to think, my dad asked me to not get bugged and scream at them. Fine I won’t. But that anger needs to be released!! It’s not supposed to be called 24/7 Broadband if it suddenly stops working twenty times a month!

For the record, this wasn’t the first call. It was the sixth.

Thank you for finally fixing my internet.

x EdgyShark x


About edgyshark


Posted on August 23, 2009, in Argue It, Existence and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Starbucks Fairy

    my phone’s giving me a hard time and I want a new touchscreen one?

  2. sangita marda agarwal

    hey edgy,
    your fangs are getting sharper. enjoyed the read.

  3. One of my most favourite (and satisfying, comforting) call centre experiences include them asking me for my “good” name. After a few tries, I had to mention my good name AND my bad name.

    Bloody angrezifiers.

  4. Hey… I really enjoyed this and totally feel like this whenever I have to make a complaint…. very very well said !!!!

  5. I wrote a similar blog about this subject but you did a better job 🙂

  6. Another Excellent post, I will save this in my Clipmarks account. Have a awesome day.

  7. I used to work in a call center. GOD it was hell. 1st, people thought we work directly under the company of the product they own (or are receiving). 2nd, we have to follow scripts that goes beyond reason and logic or else it is our neck on the line. 3rd, it is a high paying no brainer job compared to dignified profession which means self-esteem flew out the window.

    We have to ask for the name of the caller to be able to pull up the account to see any updates from dumb fucking technicians if they were able to solve the problem or not.

    Truth be told, we are being paid so that companies don’t have to talk directly to their unsatisfied customers. It is a thankless job. Now, I am a full time teacher and I am doing my best to educate people to stay out of this call center joke.

    Quality? Why would I worry about quality when scripts were written by morons? Yep, the best decision of my life is get the fuck out of the call center.

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