Never Say Goodbye


Of course you know, and so do I. We’re parting our ways knowingly. Yet, I want that even if you go away, you’ll remain still, in my thoughts, my dreams, you’ll always be my shadow. It’s ironic how I let you slip out of the reach of my fingers, and yet here I am, holding on to every breath of air that you inhaled, every second that you spent with me. I will cry, because it makes me feel better. No, I won’t stop. I won’t. I don’t think I can. I don’t think I want to.
I’ve heard of people who live their entire lives not even knowing what love is, what it could turn out to be. People who refrain from taking risks, people who just don’t want to explore the unknown because of the element of uncertainty that it carries alongwith with itself.
I feel sad for people who haven’t ventured into the realm of their own emotions. I feel like a winner to know that I have people to love, and am loved by them. People lost in a maze without even knowing it was ruled by love.
I feel sad for people who let rationality reason out their emotions. Because emotions are like carefree horses, if you don’t let them run, they’ll turn wild. And if you don’t let that wilderness escape, it’ll burn you up inside. And the ashes that remain will scrape through the abyss of your mind.
I don’t understand why you can’t just admit the fact that you’re in love with someone, yet because of whatever the reason might be, you’re with someone else. You’re spending your time, you’re forfeiting precious moments with people you don’t want to be spending them with.
If that’s the amount of peril you’re willing to face, I applaud you.
Oh, your heart won’t listen. That’s because you’ve trained it like that. And the flames are going to flare when you least expect them to. And still, every single day, I’m going to tell myself that I’d rather that you never left. Doesn’t it hurt to know that the person you love the most is not even with you? Why does one pine away about someone who they could have had but missed the chance on?
Wasn’t it your decision to leave and go away? Why are we crying about this fallacy then?
Maybe it’s because of a compulsion. A compulsion created by society, by the illogical set of norms that rule us, that we are bound by, because of which we are not able to spread those wings and soar the blue above in a myriad of colours.
Why should you listen to anything around you? Is it worth the enormous amounts of hurt that you are being caused? Is it fair to you?
Is it fair to that person who you’re “with”? Because if you open your eyes, you’ll know that you’re tormenting them by plucking their heartstrings. Playing with their emotions.
It’s not going to help if you supress your emotions, it’s not. Those tears will continue falling on your pristine pillow, every single night as twilight dawns upon you.
I call it inconsequential. I applaud you if you feel it’s benefitting you in a befitting manner.
You’re not happy, your heart’s not happy. Encumbered by a desire that you would give your life for.
Fine, you’ve managed to come undone, and forget everything. The clock on your lifeline’s ticking away, your insides are not beating the right way that they should. Nothing feels like it’s in place, you’re getting restless, and no one knows what’s going to happen next.
And to think that you have to bear all of this, you have to carry this burden with you in your afterlife. You think time heals everything, but it doesn’t. It simply makes you forget about the past.
But what you don’t know is that the cut is so deep that the most trivial incident can make those emotions resurface in a matter of a milisecond, and then you’ll have to bear the pain alone, all over again.
And maybe, just maybe, it’s going to ache worse this time. Maybe, it’ll tear you apart.
And it’s going to hurt like you’ve never felt hurt before. And you’ll be alone, because that’s what you were made to choose.
A decade down the line, you meet them again. She looks different, she’s with different people, he might even talk differently. But once you have the courage to look into their eyes, and deep into that soul which was always interconnected with yours, you’ll realize she’s the same, and that he’s yearning his heart out for you in the same way that you are.
You let reason take over, and you’ll now have to face the consequences.
Perhaps, you want them to be happy, so you let them go.
But if you’d have not let him go, you both would have been able to embrace your sadness together in a way that would have deemed the happiest of emotions as things of familiarity.
Ruthlessness grasps your cold body in the dark of the night. You turn over, she’s not there sleeping next to you. Because you let her go. The eccentricity of your emotions is lost. And now your misery knows no bounds because you realize it’s value.
I say go for it. Even if it’s too late that you’ve come to terms with the fact. Even if they’re with someone else, you need to remember that they miss the love you could give them, terribly. And it’s not fair. Do you want her to suffer those few years that she has left? Maybe it’s hard, she has a family now, he has kids to provide for. But isn’t the true meaning of life to extract true happiness for you and others around you?
No, you don’t have to take this decision. Life’s too short. I know it’s not easy, but I don’t understand why people don’t tread on the rocky mountain and just bring that person back. Fight for them, fight till they’re at their breath’s end.
Because at least then you’ll die knowing you tried. Otherwise, your own feelings will haunt your life away. I know that, and so do you. And of that, I’m sure.
The feeling of regret will soon ruin you, because you went along with something you didn’t want to in the first place.
You chose to bid a bitter goodbye.
x EdgyShark x
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About edgyshark

What?

Posted on January 29, 2010, in Argue It and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. this one’s a classic
    and very true

  2. INTENSE…!!

  3. edgyshark, this one tugged at my heartstrings with every letter of every word. u have put down my emotions and the emotions of many others in a way we can connect with. thank u for writing about US.

  4. OH LORD.That was some thesis of rambling emotions. I skipped a hell loads if you dont mind.
    It killed me after the first two paragraphs which were by the way awesome.

  5. Wow! Nice! Awesome! So true! 🙂

  6. Whoa! Every other time that I read your blogs, I can’t help but notice how you’re maturing at almost super – sonic speeds. Feels like ages have passed since I spoke to on the phone on New Year’s. Which waters was the Shark in then? And where is she now? I agree with #3. This is intense. But its so true as well.
    Emotions are generally tricky to deal with, requiring just the right amount of sentimentality, the delicate touch as well the pin-prick that forces you to think.
    I loved it!
    Bravo, love!

    • It’s all in there somewhere, waiting to come out, if you know what I mean. And I love the fact that it’s resurfacing this way. People read this and asked me whether I was alright, whether I broke up with someone. The truth is, I might know who I who I want to be with, and this is to tell myself that I’m strong enough to take the hard way because I know for a fact that I'[m going to have to face this situation in the near future.

  7. to put it very simply, you perfectly disected my mind & thought process…. though i must admit it was a little eerie at times, as if i was seeing a reflection of my own thoughts…like a deja vu. anyway i must congratulate you for writing something so beautiful & touching, hope to hear from you soon.[:)]

  8. Intensely soulful and very true. I hope you never have to face it.

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