A Hung Up Thought Process


I think the reason for the title kind of gives away the fact that this post is coming in way later than it should have. In any case, last night, was a little painful. I switched off everything, and just lay there thinking; and I noticed that everything had stopped moving. Except for the unnatural ticking of the clock, which was also a farce I  believe, nothing was in motion.

I was, I am living in an instant.

And I realized. I realized that it’s the end of a thought process for me. I lay there looking at these photographs on my wall, and the only reason I haven’t taken them down is because I think the color matches my walls, not because I’m still hung up on the people in them. Because there’s only so many chances you can give someone.

I scrolled through my contacts and realized there wasn’t a single person I could call. Well, except for maybe babush didi, but I wanted to let her be.  I realized that I had some forty useless contacts taking up my phone memory which I finally mustered the courage enough to delete from that portion of my existence.

I realized that sometimes it’s important to give yourself some you time, but what if you want to spend that moment with someone else, what do you do then? I realized thus, that it’s become a good habit to speak to imaginary people, and that over the last few months, I’ve made some very good imaginary relationships.

I realized what pain feels like. I paid very close attention to the way my insides were molding into each other, and I paid close attention to that tingling sensation creeping on my skin. I felt sad, but I felt like I’d achieved something because most people can’t even describe emotions. But now, I can describe to you, purely and well, both the extremes.

I realized that in life, there’s nothing worth giving primary importance to because sometimes, you just gotta drive on all the roads at the same time. Some people might say, there’s nothing like that, but I beg to differ. I think that if you have the strength and the will, then you can mesh all the charcoal on all the roads that you want to take and lead them into one destination.

I realized that I’m happy I’ve begun my travels and that they’ve given me ample amount of things to think about. And I realized that sometimes, it’s okay to be immature, but every moment is not always about you. In the last one year, I’ve learnt to be selfless and if you’re just too darn busy to notice it, or have a mindset that includes me being a selfish brat for life, then I have nothing to say to that.

I’ve learnt to appreciate the finer things in life, unlike the very popular cliche that people randomly adopt,  the tinier things in life, the feel of living and loving. And learning more.

In it’s true sense.

x EdgyShark x

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About edgyshark

What?

Posted on January 21, 2011, in Existence and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. I don’t know how exactly I stumbled onto your blog. Reading this post in particular makes me nostalgic. I went through this exact same phase a few years ago. Not to sound condascending or even patronising, but it’s kinda beautiful to see someone else go through such realisations. Realisations that you, now, for all purposes and reasons, probably think are epiphanies. I did too. I’m not belittling your emotions, I have no right to do so and even if I did have the right, it’s just plain wrong. What I’m trying to say is that these epiphanies that you have now become every day conversation starters when you turn my age (22 if you’re even wondering). And when you look back on those times when these things dawned on you, you only smile and pat yourself on your back to have gone through it and to have come out the other end a little saner.

  2. very touchy heart stirring writeup.there are times in each one’s life. we take lessons from them.
    smaller one’s make us tougher to endure greater ones.
    my idea is one should give a difficulty endurance test to himself , by kicking himself as hard as he can in the back ON A DAILY BASIS.

  3. Great work lil one! You’re growing up, aren’t you? 🙂

  4. You cant neglect you!
    you are your first priority!

    am still working on it 🙂

  5. Growing up. Always rocks.

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