I just realized:
There are some situations in life you just cannot let go of; even if you stray away from all the bullshit and the pain that people caused and you and do not associate yourself with them, but if you still have to see them for the rest some part of your life, you maintain a soft corner for them somewhere. See, it’s not like I’m not strong enough, but it’s just that I’m not mean enough. I could blog and bitch and do all that to make myself feel better, but I’m not going to intentionally hurt someone even if they stabbed me. Because that goes against my principles, and I feel it’s perfectly okay to be that way. It’s not like I’m ever going to go out of my way (or even in my way) to do something for such people anymore, in fact I won’t even speak to them or anything, but it’s just that if they do speak to me, I shall be civil. With a streak of sarcasm, which goes without saying, on days when I’m PMSing.
Also, my cousins do not realize how much I miss them; it’s like they’re all still doing things in the comforts of their own homes and here I am, sitting somewhere that doesn’t even show up on the map. I’m not even IN R@wr-Town per se, some 40 kms from it. I get time off to think about all these things, contemplate a great deal about my every movement and see where I’m going. Living here is like living on small blots of lysergic acid diethylamide perpetually. Because it slows and fastens things down randomly and makes you aware of a heck lot of more detail than living in the bustle of a city.
Moreover, I guess I’m a little too emotional, but that’s how some of us are made. So when I try to speak to my cousins, I want to feel wanted by them too. I don’t wanna do all the missing and all the speaking about them all the time. Sometimes it just feels good to know that you’re wanted too, but I guess this trip back home showed me that no one really gives a damn. Except Bush and Ezra. I know everyone tried to meet me and everything, but it’s not just that, it’s getting that attention from those that you want, at least for five minutes a day. It’s having them talk about you on their BB statuses and facebook updates just like you do all the time. Because if it’s not a two way street, then it’s a hopeless journey and a waste of petrol.
x EdgyShark x
P.S Thank you for the music Ezz, you made me feel young again 😀