I’m trying to have a very hard time deciding what I want to do for the start of my 20th year on this godforsaken planet. The answer’s simple, I want to do something that involves not a soul but myself because I’m really tired of everyone. There’s not a single person that I can count on without making me feel like pure balderdash about everything.
I’m done thinking every damn thing is my fault, and at this point, even if it is, I really don’t care. Gone are the days when people actually bothered or thought something highly of me. Gone are the days when people went out of their way to do something for me.
When I ask someone to get me some treasured red Dom from a duty free shop I don’t expect their reply to be ‘guess what, I’l just buy it here in India it’s not big deal’. It’s kind of a big deal when you spent hours purchasing malt for your friends and conveniently forgot about me.
It’s kind of a big deal when someone talks about every wonderful thing every individual has done to them and when it comes to me, you make a countenance expressing utmost disgust sneaking a whiff of ‘stop eating my brains out’.
Man, I sure don’t look like it, but I have feelings too. But I guess that’s the extent of my independent nature – it’s taken me to a place where I truly don’t need anyone to do anything for me. Yet I recall a hundred instances where others, no matter how un-needy they were, still had people flocking towards them like a moth to a flame.
I want to live in a world where bother is unknown and someone cares. And that care is not reduced to the likes of annoyance making me feel guilty for every wrong happened to every man on earth.
I want to be alone, so alone that I don’t hear a single voice emanating anywhere and that I have finally found peace in my mind and my heart.
For the start of my 20th year here on this godforsaken planet, I want to feel a blank space.
x EdgyShark x