I want to be looked at like I’m magic.
No matter what the time of day,
No matter where your thoughts sashay.
I want to be thought of like I’m a gleam of summer
In a patch of snow.
When you turn a peachy cheek as the wind billows,
And your lips softly slink into a smile.
I want to be looked at
Like I look at you.
x EdgyShark x
SCRRRRRRRRRRRRATCH THAAAT! (the last post —-> below)
OMG it just struck me like a bolt of lightning; HAPPINESS IS EVERYTHING!
You know all the crap that my negative mind spewed out earlier? It was just on its dramatic best.
It’s beautiful to have goals and dreams and you know what’s even better?
To watch all that come true.
Heck I just wiped off tears of joy from my face even *thinking* about the day that my mental-moment-movies come true! I can totally picture it, (No, I’m not going to give you the benefit of knowing *snide countenance*)
It’s just the best feeling ever.. imagine what it’d be like to even have all that actually unravel later in life!
THAT’S THE POINT!
OUI! OUI! You’re not better alone, you’re only you when you’re surrounded by the people that love you and you have that love in your heart that fills you up, and it’s for them that you wake up every morning and rock the world like a total star!
x EdgyShark x
There are days when I feel the pain that the world talks about so openly; days when someone else has so much power over me that I’m exposed and so vulnerable that I don’t even mind being tugged at like a puppet. Because of that thrust of trust into someone else’s hands. (Why would I do that? Well, that’s really how much I care.)
Why does everything have to be so diffused and scattered? I feel like my unconscious mind is playing a dirty trick on me – something so surreptitious that it’s conniving against me with utmost hatred for no reason at all – at least no reason I can easily fathom. I guess that’s what it means to be purely evil. Does that make me an evil person?
I’m not even sure as to how to answer that question. What context are we traversing upon? Moreover, how can such heartache even be possible? Of course its a freaking conspiracy as soon as all of this turmoil is heightened with period pain. And I thought I had no threshold? Today’s the 11th of April and it’s only 10:53 AM.
Aren’t prayers known to solve things? Or even bring some rain to a drought ridden zone? I’m praying so hard, it’s like hypocrisy on my fundamentalism.
It’s ironic how you mean something you say and then you go beat the shit out of that with a skillet and say something that makes someone else burn like a furnace. Life goes on and gets heavy. People move the shit on even when something as important as their parents are no more. But that doesn’t mean the pain isn’t there? It’s not about getting on with life; eventually, quite obviously, everyone does that.
I’d trade anything for a wish right about now, if for nothing, then to just turn back time and fix whatever it is that I did and let you know how much you mean. That’s always been your fear isn’t it? You left me hanging there on the boat alone. I didn’t say anything. Doesn’t that count for anything? That there’s always hope? And everything makes sense, you’ve just got to open your eyes and see it! (I’m just looking at everything. Please don’t yell. It freaks me out when someone gets mad at me. But I still stood ground and listened to everything. And watched you lift a finger.)
I have excellent reason to hate the entire male populace – beyond anything anyone else has experienced. But we can’t let these things get in our way, can we? You’ve no clue about 20 years too, but then how about we make the next 20 something to remember?
I can’t ever be brave. And I’m not afraid of that. It’s cool. I guess I like that rush.
And this isn’t really anything all that serious, but it sure does feel like it. It sucks so bad and if that means nothing then well and good. But it does to me, so thank you please, very much I shall hold on to my feelings without anyone else telling me what (not) to feel. And I know everyone else does that too, people just try being overtly cool by pretending that life can be lived detached from all beings.
I’m really at a loss of words right now, because everything that I make an attempt to say will go against me. And I’m not even sure why. All I did was like you. And that’s all I even said.
Is that such a bad thing? I thought it was beautiful. But you’re making it out to be a beautiful disaster.
I will always see the best in people. And I will always hope that you come back and at least, speak to me. What else can I do? Literally got you abusing me in front of so many other people, that still doesn’t tell you I care enough to be there?
P.S Entertainment equals an international law class. I guess I just really like being around you and well my heart’s on my sleeve. (I’m not really sure how the two sentences connect, but it’s really funny how .. I lost my train of thought. I’ve been super distracted since Pillai talked about dispute resolution earlier today; if that counts for anything.)
x EdgyShark x
This was just a whole lot of meaningful rambling. I’m surprised I’m so out of my mind. I guess there’s a first time for everything.
(كن فيكون kun fa-yakūnu)
I got hurt. Really hurt. And sometimes when that happens, something inside me just shuts off.
Sometimes, it’s really hard to ponder over what has happened and try and figure out what went wrong. Have you ever wondered, that when you’re truly happy and living in the midst of exciting moments, you seldom stop to think, ‘so what went right?’ But why do we think when things go wrong? What is right and what is wrong?
Wrong’s when someone doesn’t give you the reaction you look for? How ambiguous. (Before I break off into more existentialist thoughts, I’m going to step away from the wheel. Can’t do late night brain killing anymore.)
I’m just going to BE. And i’m going to be for myself. I’m my own muse; I don’t need another individual to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do. In any case, when I’m desperate for answers, I’d rather turn to Kafka than to some worthless existence who hasn’t a clue about what he or she may be doing and are just out there throwing useless information away like sales people at a supermarket.
I spent a decent day by myself; I’m trying to be calm. Everyday, at least ten minutes are spent introspecting. I’m beginning to find that a heady mix of praying in all kinds of languages is somehow helping me regain composure. It’s helping me realize I’ll be okay.
Why look for answers within when over thinking only drives you nuts? But how does one even get closure when there are no answers? I’m working on my insecurities.
On another note, I need a fabulous haircut so I can flip and overwhelm. And subsequently find my own posse.
x EdgyShark x
This post was written for Indiblogger/Vodafone #InternetIsFun. Click www.vodafone.in/fun to know more, enjoy reading this on your phone 😀
I can’t seem to imagine a time when people said they didn’t have cell phones, let alone a time that they had no means to even communicate with each other. But it’s true, and it’s formed a past of generations of people, and luckily, I don’t fall into one of those categories, because I wonder, what these people would do when they were;
b) caught in awkward situations
c) waiting for someone to arrive
d) ALL of the above!
And voila, we now have smart phones – the ultimate toy for a penultimate being living in the world today, a device with the world’s best creation, the internet, on it. How can the internet not be fun? It provides utmost amusement to all creatures far and wide, especially when taking the above survey. Let me explain how this works (for me).
Boredom: When my insides are squeaking and yelling out to me and I’m soaking in the hot tropical weather of this country, I feel bored and lazy. I would like to pick up a book or switch on the television, or even my laptop for that matter, but its just too hot to move. At a time like this, my brain tells me to ‘do’ something because well, I’ll get all restless and crazy if I don’t do anything.
Question: So what do I do?
Answer: EASY. Pick up my BB (kept right next to me, don’t even have to stretch my limbs farther than a few cms) and fiddle with it! I can waste happy time this way, browsing through random pages, downloading all kinds of wacky apps, (it’s true, there’s even a period checker 😐 and how *else* would I have known that if it hadn’t been for the inter-galactic-super-awesome-net on my phone?) *Sigh the app store is the next best thing to Zara*
Caught in awkward situations: I have no idea what someone belonging to the yesteryear did when they were caught in an awkward moment; I’ll help you with a few examples – you’re sitting on a deserted bus and someone comes and sits right next to you. Take out your phone and do something on the internet. OR, an awkward moment where your friend’s having a fight with their relatives and suddenly they turn to you for advice, and your face looks like 😐 Obviously, the internet helps if not more, because you can actually google something worthwhile to say if not absorb yourself into some Angry Birds.
Waiting for someone to arrive: Since we have phones now, we make people wait. Earlier, it was like meet me at the Latte joint at 5 and the world was a more punctual place. Except for that occasional road accident and then you had to wait for the hospital authorities to call someone; now it’s like update your status in a social network account and everyone in the world knows what your deal is. So yes, no digression, tell me, can you think of a world where one cannot whip out their phones and go wild on the internet, especially when they’re busy waiting for people, transport, or even the morning tea to arrive?
Of course you can’t.
So that’s how the internet’s fun for me on my phone!
Let me end with this; if the internet wasn’t fun to do all of the above mentioned on the phone, then I would still be hanging around with one of those hardy pieces of plastic, playing Snake 😀 (b&w!) for eternity.
But then came the internet –> a phone with the internet –> and Power To (You!)Me 😀
To know more, just click www.vodafone.in/fun. And obviously, that’s on the internet too.
There’s an absolutely ridiculous social networking applied idea that came to my notice a few days back; it’s called “WTF: Women Take Forever.” At first, it was alright, even mildly hilarious because sometimes, yes, women do (myself including) take a little more time getting ready and getting out of the house. But it’s not like men aren’t lazy or apply hair products and care about their skin too. But then, the guy who owns the page sent me an e-mail asking me to blog about it and help spearhead the entire movement so that it covers the rest of the planet within some time. I understand that writing this post might seem to spearhead it in some manner, but believe you me, I’m trying to do just the opposite. So anyway, I went through the information posted there and it really disgusted me to know there are men outright insulting women for taking a little more time. And I understand there might be some women who in all actuality, DO take forever, but there are men like that too. (Some of them, called gay.) Here goes my reply to that guy, after much thought:
I went through your page but I really don’t see how after posting a status update about women commenting you want me to feature you on my blog or wear your tshirts. In case you didn’t notice, I belong to the female gender.
Also, I really don’t think all women take so much time because some of us do understand punctuality and have work and don’t believe in Spending all our free time on the mirror. Do remember, if a woman’s taking all that time, its to look good for her man. You’re probably thinking WTF now, huh? Its not like you’ve met all the women in the world to make such a movement permanent and the jobless pricks who have commented on your page are doing it coz they’re either bored, had a tiff with a woman or just need to vent out anger. Who better to scream at than your girlfriend?
Even if we took a year to put on clothes, face it, you’d still wait because you want to and you’re cribbing just to look cool in front of the other guys.
As for a movement, I think the country’s in a lot of deep shit and you could maybe spend the waiting time thinking about something entrepreneurial which could help bring about real welfare. If that happens, you have no one but a woman to thank.
P.S the reason I took ‘long’ to reply to you was because
A) I have been travelling a lot in the last week, and also at first dismissed your mail mistaking it to be spam and
B) I spent today contemplating how you wanted me to do you this favour by insulting my species.
x EdgyShark x
I am just extremely saddened by the negative energy that has been swooping past anyone and everyone, in the last few days. People just need to get a grip on themselves and RELAX. Paranoia never helped anyone and neither did screaming and getting frustrated for no reason, so just because you’re down in the dell doesn’t mean you have to pull others in there too.
This last year has been quite eventful for me personally, because I’ve done a lot and traveled far more than anyone else. I don’t care enough to divulge my memories and the shit that I’ve done because as of this moment, I’m alive and kicking, so there’s really no point pondering over what happened, what broke me or what fixed me. Because whatever happens, happens for the best.
I’m sick of devoting my psychological trips to understanding how other people would react or feel about what I’m doing, because honestly, if there’s anything I’ve realized, it’s that other people don’t feel this way. Why should I give a flying saucer about what I do if it’s not even meant to affect anyone and if others do not spend time thinking how I’d react to something they did.
Just do whatever the fuck you want and feel good about yourself because there’s really nothing else left to each passing day. I’m sick of people asking me where I am and what I’m doing and I should make a plan. I don’t want to meet anybody unless they want to meet me because it’s not really some sort of favour I’m doing by letting people know stuff that doesn’t even bother them at the end of the day.
I don’t care whether or not this revelation is going to cost me a social scenario because please let’s just calm down and look at the situation this way; how many people really bother to find out how you are, and I don’t mean just a hello on the phone. I’ve been bleeding senseless for the last ten days and almost had alien objects operated off my body and been stressed out by random doctors saying random nonsense and having some of the worst moments back in my college semester what with trying to keep up with making people happy and dealing with their immaturity.
So really, I’ve had my share of nonsense too, but I like to be positive and happy about it. Because even though the bad stuff is all I remember and it assists my migraines in popping out every now and then, I still remember how happy I felt looking at the open sky and stars and listening to Karthik and Kazim screaming Star Wars dialogues and pretending to be Jedis. Even though moments before that trip, I was worried about other people’s emotions, completely undermining my own.
I’m done with the drama and I’m happily living each day with subconscious sobriety. And in order to probe into your subconscious, you need help. Please do that research on your own, because I am not a therapist.
Please do contact me in case you’re looking for a mutually beneficial good time. Because after all, I’m just another individual looking in hopeless corners for happiness. And honestly, there are VERY few people in this world who have been able to inculcate those powers within themselves.
To all those who have stuck by me through thick and thin and will hopefully remember my birthday enough to put through a call (because I’m getting charged on roaming too, so let’s see who’s gonna be selfish) I salute you and it feels extremely warm in some corner of me, to be your true friend. And that list isn’t really a lot, and I’m glad it’s that way.
x EdgyShark x
P.S If you’re not happy with where you are then change it because you’re not a freaking tree.
I had a mini cardiac arrest five minutes ago as soon as Lily’s eyes began watering when Serena asked about Chuck. If he dies, a little part of me dies too.
I cannot stop crying inside. Chuck, you’ve saved my life a million times. It was you that consoled me when that horrible sh*t went down back in 2009.
I think my pulse just stopped. And my face is white.
Please don’t die 😥
Please stay strong 😥 😥
x EdgyShark x
I’ve been living in an apartment for the last one week with a bunch of five-six girls doing their own thing. It’s like America’s Next Top Model’s fashion house, except minus the glam-o-r-o-u-s. Sometimes it’s fun, but then obviously rthruyhtrjr.
Also, I’m still living out of my suitcase which makes me feel even more like a nomad, but it’s cool like that. Anyway my pizza’s on it’s way and I’m really not in the mood to live in an apartment with so many chicks. It’s alright for once, but I wanna get out of here, get my own place.
x EdgyShark x
“If we weren’t unanimous about keeping our lives so much in motion, if we could do nothing for once, perhaps a greater silence would interrupt this sadness, this never understanding ourselves and threatening ourselves with death, perhaps the earth is teaching us when everything seems to be dead and then everything is alive.” – Pablo Neruda
The earth shattering, people-stirring, ground shaking earthquake in Japan’s moved the entire world, if not other planets in the galaxy, to a great extent. Suddenly, people are thinking about the 2012 movie and pledging to the grateful dead. And it got me wondering, why does every earthquake take place in Japan? Why does every tsunami or hurricane hit the worst in the Americas?
The reason simply put is this: Because there is no introspection taking place in these countries.
According to almost all kinds of sources available in the world today, Japan and the US are the two countries that have been striving to outdo each other in almost every aspect. The competition began on a personal level and went on defy boundaries on the continents. In terms of economics, social and cultural patterns, and modern technology, the fight has been going on like undefeated warriors in the arenas of the ancient Romans.
No one wants to stop, no one is willing to put a hold on anything and give a little credit to the other. No matter how many years go by, the two countries will continue to compete and kill.
The Egyptians hold a great amount of glory for their undisputed past; Every other person in India is so well educated in terms of his roots and values if not for knowledge and learning; The reason for vanity in the Europeans is their rich culture and holding on to it all despite all the changes taking place in the world.
At least in these places, even if there is some amount of advancement taking place, people owe it to their forefathers and not jump onto the bandwagon to perfect the creation asap?
What I’m trying to say is that just like Neruda wrote (and I quoted on top) that people are so obsessed with “being modern” and creating more and more technology that they forget the fact that they control computers and not the other way around. This has been happening the most in countries like Japan and the US.
All kinds of scope for positivity has been lost in a manner that the only kind of emotion people spread onto others is their negative retrospect about things. Plus, it’s easier to share negativity in hopes of shoving it on someone else in the process and trying to forget the bad things existed.
People in these countries do not take time out to worship nature or thank it for what it has done and are facing the green war now. There is no silence; only the buzz of engines and machinery at all times of the day.
People have forgotten what they were in the beginning of time and where they come from. They forget that their only job is to spread love and peace among mankind. When the world ends, all technology will too. But if people survive, they will be living on to the threads of love that they were given by others.
Our planet is probably trying to teach us a lesson by letting us know, that if we do not keep silent on our part, it will not as well. There’s no time being taken out to introspect within and find out the source of happiness from people. Unless people try and look inside their now turned bleak hearts, they will be able to witness the kind of sadness they have been causing themselves due to so much neglect.
Why are people NOW saying Pray For Japan? Why weren’t people praying before? Because they didn’t know the consequences of their acts then, and now they do. Every single time a calamity hits naturally, people begin to understand how important the planet is to us and then with time, soon forget that it can jolly well come back and pinch us right on the nose without us being aware.
The damage is done. The only thing they can hope for now is that the praying brings about some sort of harmony within humanity in a way that people stop trying to achieve more and more all the time. Life is not a big fucking competition, and people need to get that in their heads.
So STOP and listen to your hearts and do something nice for a change. All this vying and negativity is easy to vent out and good once in a while, but in the long run it makes you turn against yourself.
And then there’s really no coming back.
x EdgyShark x