The Day of Brutus

Lately, superstition has been catching up like swine flu. And for good reason.

I mark last night into one of the hardest days of my life portfolio.

Why do we complicate things?

Why is it so hard to just understand each other?

 

I have lost my train of thought and I hope that you are all well and have had a wonderful time reading this last half of a decade that I have been writing. This is my last post here, for personal reasons. Apparently I’m silly like dirt outside of these pages. Until I sort myself out, I hope that I have inspired at least someone out there and that my attempts at growth and evolution kept you strung along for the ride. I don’t know if we’ve reached our destination, but this sure as hell feels like a road block.

Yes, I’m dramatic. But try putting on my shoes and that’s exactly how you’ll feel. At least I’m not afraid to think out loud.

Keep calm.

x EdgyShark x

Dropping It Like Its Hot

HELLO THERE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD!

Just a little reminder that I’m a person with a certain hold on life just like the rest of you.

And if anybody has an issue with that, take it up with me. Not with an assumption about me.

Excuse me while I go hit my face on the wall now.

x EdgyShark x

Assistive Touch

I’ve come to realise that all of life is nothing but a projection of your own thoughts. If you’re over the moon, there are flowers blooming even in the heart of winter, and if you’re gloomy as a grey cloud, then all you see is a vile hand being played.

And the funny thing is, no one will ever know what you’re thinking about, or how you’re thinking about something.

I’m a people-pleaser kind of gal, I go out of my way to do things for the people I consider a part of my life. But it dawned on me that maybe people don’t think so. I’ve probably become so skyrocket-y that if I don’t go all out to do something it’s considered lesser than what I can actually do.

I love the feeling of helping someone out when they need me. (More so, when they don’t!) Only because it makes people smile, and as selfish as that may sound, I like knowing I made someone smile. No deed is ever considered selfless anyway.

But then I guess, I wonder why, not many people really remember the things that one does do for them. People tend to remember what you didn’t do; where you faltered in a step and made a blunder. Penny for your thoughts: how many people do you know that actually harbour this negative approach?

I think we should really take it a notch down and applaud people for the things that they do do for us. The times that they make us smile, and the times that they’ve pulled us out, even if for a millisecond, of the dark times. I think we’d all be much happier then, if we thought the best about each other. Everyone tries really hard. Why would I take the pain to make someone miserable when I spend hours trying to do things to make them think of cherry blossoms? I don’t even know how to spell rvengeege. I’m trying to put my finger on the motive aspect here; I personally, don’t have an ill wishing bone in my body. (Unless you’re harming dogs, I’ll kick your shins.)

It’s not anybody’s business, but it’s just so annoying when you sense disappointment from another human being. Like how does someone deal with that? Where do you help someone believe that things didn’t go as planned, deliberately?

We’re all different people, made so very beautifully differently, and I’d hate to put my heart on comparison with that of anyone else’s. Maybe I’m silly, but there’s the one thing I can do that nobody else can.

I try and see the best in people; I mean it’s one way I can take my mind off all the mean thoughts I’d have towards another. Perhaps that’s my thing. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we just put on each other’s shoes once a while and liked each other a little more?

Or am I being stupid with this whole garb of actual raw niceness?

I’m no superman. But I’d still like to be appreciated for the red cape I do make an effort to put on.

x EdgyShark x

In Chaos and in Swirls

Remember that there are days full of joy you haven’t even imagined yet. Days full of pain worse than what you’re going through now.

Days of ecstasy and days of numbness.

Today is the oldest you’ve ever been and the most you’ve ever experienced but you must keep the glass half empty for the possibility of a better day.

There’s always a better day around the corner if your eyes are open to see it; if your senses are open to feeling it.

x EdgyShark x

I Let The Dogs Out

I’ve narrowed down the two kinds of people in this world to (brace yourselves)

  1. Dog Lovers
  2. Dog Haters

Before you continue, I don’t intend to direct this towards people who are indifferent towards these regal creatures. You could not like dogs but not hate them at the same time – I’d respect someone who just let the dogs of the world be.

I was fortunate to have a pet when I was younger, but he died. I had so many people in my family who’d just come and be all freaked out when they met Snoopy, almost like a circus clown on display. I mean, come on people! He’s just another member of the family, if we can all just chill out a little.

I think dogs are just the best things on the planet ever. The simplest pleasures that life can probably give to you are not in the form of jewellery, ladies. They’re dogs. Sweet little face lickers that can just about turn anyone’s day around.

Right here in this sordid squalid crap hole that I’m currently serving past life karmic time at, I am fortunate enough to have met the two best friends ever – Pudro and Denny. They’re more sophisticated and trained than most people I’ve ever met in my life, let alone every last person I’ve met here (except my other friends who indulge these four legged cuties along with me). They’re more polite and mindful and faithful than you’d ever imagine and my day isn’t complete without having fed them. I am greeted with more hugs and kisses by those dogs than having even endured my mum smother me when I do home runs.

As is our usual routine, J and I met to fed the dogs and play with them during dinner time after which Pudro followed me back to the dorms. In the meanwhile, as I kept playing and petting him, I was accosted by a bunch of dog haters who tried to “shoo” him away with an iron pole. (I MEAN HOW HEARTLESS IS MY STORY ALREADY?)

If that’s not enough, I was asked to stop petting the dog and stop showing compassion because “Oh there have been complaints of him biting other girls.” “PUDRO? BITING PEOPLE? LOL.”

I don’t understand why people can’t just let dogs be. I mean, if you don’t like them, just don’t come in their way. There’s one thing my dad’s taught me about animals, you can look one in the eye and just tell what it’s thinking. It’s the same with Pudro; he’s got the deepest brown kind eyes I’ve ever laid my eyes on, and I know for a fact that him, or any other dog in the world wouldn’t harm a human being unless they’re defending themselves while being attacked: Read – Dog Hater Human Losers.

Forget empathy, people here don’t even have basic manners to speak to others. But then that’s what our country’s made of, people who like to throw their potbellied weight around. (You don’t like the AIB Roast video, just don’t WATCH IT! Stop calling it vulgar comedy and making sure someone else doesn’t either! – it’s the same philosophy! Just leave the dog alone!)

Dog haters are probably in-built psychopaths – it’s like hating human beings on the general. Who does that? One man causes harm to me and I hate the entire human race? Grow UP.

I think people bite people more than dogs biting people, for sure. And by people, I mean firstly the very lady who only laid a finger on the dog because her stupid son was scared. You can’t even live and let live and you call yourself a Gandhian.

You build a darned failed university on fraudulent land in the wilderness and then claim there are dogs and cows invading it. Like hello? Can someone wake Sid up because this irony is just oozing out of my skin.

Here’s my very valuable advice Dog haters are people you should be wary of – a simple trait of just hating a dog gives you a replete insight into their personalities. These are people who make judgments based on hearsay; people who have their own notions in the air of what in the world is right and what is wrong – people who think out of their bums and most often turn out to be those who display signs of terrorism (as big or small the situation might account for – bullies, failures etc.)

Really, you’re forming an opinion about a dog that hasn’t even looked in your direction, and you’re already basing lies on the poor thing stating it’s going around biting people – also knowing fully well you can get away with whatever you say because that dog can’t even open its mouth to defend itself?

THESE are the wonderful teachers that are teaching the law today. I rest (and spit!) my case.

x EdgyShark x

Bee In The Bonnet

Is it just me or is the entire world going through the same exact things as I am? And if we all just let each other know, wouldn’t we feel a little more reassured? Perhaps, it’s just me.

The other day, on a local back home, I was happy. I had a great day that I spent with my best friend. He’d said to me the three words that would light up anyone’s day, he said “Yaayy Yayy YAYY!” I couldn’t wipe the silly grin off of my face and was so oblivious to the world that I almost failed to notice this young lady sitting opposite just glaring out the window frame.

The music kept dancing through my ears and my fingers kept trying to kill time by working mindless apps on my phone but then I finally looked up to see that the world wasn’t at glee with me. That young lady suddenly burst into a fit of emotion and tears streamed down her face. I looked away because I didn’t want to seem nosy.

The train stopped at another station; people walked in, people flowed out. The woman buried her face deep into her palms.

Mystified, I returned to my cellphone screen and thought to myself. How many times have I felt defeated enough to let myself break down on the local to and fro home? I remembered that one day work was so bad and I kept rethinking my decision about studying law and working at a firm and how I cried because I felt stuck. I thought of the times I’d cried out of helplessness even, blaming family on (now what feels like were) insignificant things. I looked up again; the lady was trying her best to hide herself and people around her, although squished into the aisle, seemed absolutely nonchalant. And why wouldn’t they?

That’s when the epiphany arose. Everyone’s got a tough life and we’re selfish enough to think we’re going through the worst.

I fished into my bag for a pack of tissues. There were two left in the pack. ‘Heck,’ I told myself, ‘she needs them more than I do.’ And at least on that day she did.

I offered her the tissues with a smile and mouthed ‘It’s okay,’ and I can bet she was a tad gratified because someone understood, if not what she was going through, then the fact that she was going through something.

Before she could say anything, I got up and went and stood next to the door for my stop. The upbeat music still played through my ears. And then, I was happy. Not because of how my day had unfolded out, but because how this little moment had warped itself into my day.

I was happy that I offered someone the path to a smile.

I was also happy to know that you are the most attractive version of yourself when you’re smiling and the happiness comes from within. Because if it doesn’t, you can’t spread it. So maybe that assuring factor comes from within too. It’s tough, and I’m still practicing, but totally worth it!

Spread the cheer. Make someone smile today!🙂

x EdgyShark x

Eight Semesters A Beanstalk

I figured this gave me solace back then, might as well give me some now. (This-venting)

Sure I can vent out in front of people and animals and babies (all tried and experimented, terribly tanked options) but it’s not the same because you just don’t trust someone can actually understand what you’re going through.

I study in a bullshit university surrounded by absolutely bullshit people and as of today, and all that’s happened to me and gone wrong because of this place, I am done. Done with hiding behind a closet of fear and not opening my mouth to say what I want.

Yes the faculty is crap and they convert the subjects into crap. Even information disseminated from morning news on the seventh insignificant page of a vernacular daily that only street food gourmets use to serve their delicacies on is more useful than what we’re ‘taught’ here.

I’m not going to take names, because OMG, despite my newfound supermanliness the physical tenets that this institution is built on might just, wait for it, crap their pants.

I’m going to tell my kids one day, I was such a bad-ass back in college, I actually went to study where goons thrive. A little person like me, with a humble background and hardworking parents are what people like this institution target.

A person like me who’s diligent, trying to get grades through and get on with the rest of my life and my friends are what this environment targets. No offence to the kids in the third world, but if this is what education looks like, they’re really better off illiterate.

And if this is what people look like, I’m so much better off alone.

And that’s the irony. Somewhere between this isolated choice and the few pillars of support that might be standing around, I tend to crumble.

Can’t wait to fast forward my life three semesters from now.

x EdgyShark x

Forgiveness is a Four Letter Word

The difference between once and never is everything.

– Inspired by Locke. My gratitude, Jay. 

Making a mistake is what us humans were born to do. But precaution aside, every mistake binds us deeper into this labyrinth of suffering in which we choose to warp ourselves, with those who provide us with love, shelter, light and even darkness; with those that show us the path unto ourselves, and those that tend to tangle us farther into this thing called an emotion.

We reflect all that we are emotive of; all that is within. Sometimes, this pressure to be and to do leads us to an opening offered, an easy disguise that seems like a plausible getaway; even if for a few moments. How then is it wrong to a fewer times run amok if it leads us ultimately into the right turn?

Mistakes can either help you reform or push you deeper away from your soul. Is it okay then to make a mistake even if it affects not only you but all those around you too? Are you just cheating yourself, your conscience, or even those of your loved ones, those who find their emotions reflective in you? But doesn’t it make sense to make a mistake at your own behest and then face the consequences? Why is it that your mistake leaves several others at the hands of your repercussions?

Only delving further into the labyrinth will tell.

x EdgyShark x

Dandelions

I want to be looked at like I’m magic.

No matter what the time of day,

No matter where your thoughts sashay.

I want to be thought of like I’m a gleam of summer

In a patch of snow.

When you turn a peachy cheek as the wind billows,

And your lips softly slink into a smile.

I want to be looked at

Like I look at you.

x EdgyShark x

Parched Land

I think we’re all a little lost without each other.

All of us need those few people that help us get through the day. I wouldn’t say that things fall apart without them, that would be a tad dramatic, but then things just don’t feel right.

But I guess it’s up to us to make things feel right no matter where we are because those who matter are right there in those dangerously bite sized aortic pumps we carry.

And maybe sometimes it’s important to know that you can get through the most adverse of days by your very own self.

And while you’re doing that, those who you wanted will anyhow be propitious on the byline.

x Edgyshark x

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