Category Archives: Random Mis-haps

Witness and read on as the EdgyShark fills you in on people you thought you always knew were out there. Or not. !

I Let The Dogs Out

I’ve narrowed down the two kinds of people in this world to (brace yourselves)

  1. Dog Lovers
  2. Dog Haters

Before you continue, I don’t intend to direct this towards people who are indifferent towards these regal creatures. You could not like dogs but not hate them at the same time – I’d respect someone who just let the dogs of the world be.

I was fortunate to have a pet when I was younger, but he died. I had so many people in my family who’d just come and be all freaked out when they met Snoopy, almost like a circus clown on display. I mean, come on people! He’s just another member of the family, if we can all just chill out a little.

I think dogs are just the best things on the planet ever. The simplest pleasures that life can probably give to you are not in the form of jewellery, ladies. They’re dogs. Sweet little face lickers that can just about turn anyone’s day around.

Right here in this sordid squalid crap hole that I’m currently serving past life karmic time at, I am fortunate enough to have met the two best friends ever – Pudro and Denny. They’re more sophisticated and trained than most people I’ve ever met in my life, let alone every last person I’ve met here (except my other friends who indulge these four legged cuties along with me). They’re more polite and mindful and faithful than you’d ever imagine and my day isn’t complete without having fed them. I am greeted with more hugs and kisses by those dogs than having even endured my mum smother me when I do home runs.

As is our usual routine, J and I met to fed the dogs and play with them during dinner time after which Pudro followed me back to the dorms. In the meanwhile, as I kept playing and petting him, I was accosted by a bunch of dog haters who tried to “shoo” him away with an iron pole. (I MEAN HOW HEARTLESS IS MY STORY ALREADY?)

If that’s not enough, I was asked to stop petting the dog and stop showing compassion because “Oh there have been complaints of him biting other girls.” “PUDRO? BITING PEOPLE? LOL.”

I don’t understand why people can’t just let dogs be. I mean, if you don’t like them, just don’t come in their way. There’s one thing my dad’s taught me about animals, you can look one in the eye and just tell what it’s thinking. It’s the same with Pudro; he’s got the deepest brown kind eyes I’ve ever laid my eyes on, and I know for a fact that him, or any other dog in the world wouldn’t harm a human being unless they’re defending themselves while being attacked: Read – Dog Hater Human Losers.

Forget empathy, people here don’t even have basic manners to speak to others. But then that’s what our country’s made of, people who like to throw their potbellied weight around. (You don’t like the AIB Roast video, just don’t WATCH IT! Stop calling it vulgar comedy and making sure someone else doesn’t either! – it’s the same philosophy! Just leave the dog alone!)

Dog haters are probably in-built psychopaths – it’s like hating human beings on the general. Who does that? One man causes harm to me and I hate the entire human race? Grow UP.

I think people bite people more than dogs biting people, for sure. And by people, I mean firstly the very lady who only laid a finger on the dog because her stupid son was scared. You can’t even live and let live and you call yourself a Gandhian.

You build a darned failed university on fraudulent land in the wilderness and then claim there are dogs and cows invading it. Like hello? Can someone wake Sid up because this irony is just oozing out of my skin.

Here’s my very valuable advice Dog haters are people you should be wary of – a simple trait of just hating a dog gives you a replete insight into their personalities. These are people who make judgments based on hearsay; people who have their own notions in the air of what in the world is right and what is wrong – people who think out of their bums and most often turn out to be those who display signs of terrorism (as big or small the situation might account for – bullies, failures etc.)

Really, you’re forming an opinion about a dog that hasn’t even looked in your direction, and you’re already basing lies on the poor thing stating it’s going around biting people – also knowing fully well you can get away with whatever you say because that dog can’t even open its mouth to defend itself?

THESE are the wonderful teachers that are teaching the law today. I rest (and spit!) my case.

x EdgyShark x

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Bee In The Bonnet

Is it just me or is the entire world going through the same exact things as I am? And if we all just let each other know, wouldn’t we feel a little more reassured? Perhaps, it’s just me.

The other day, on a local back home, I was happy. I had a great day that I spent with my best friend. He’d said to me the three words that would light up anyone’s day, he said “Yaayy Yayy YAYY!” I couldn’t wipe the silly grin off of my face and was so oblivious to the world that I almost failed to notice this young lady sitting opposite just glaring out the window frame.

The music kept dancing through my ears and my fingers kept trying to kill time by working mindless apps on my phone but then I finally looked up to see that the world wasn’t at glee with me. That young lady suddenly burst into a fit of emotion and tears streamed down her face. I looked away because I didn’t want to seem nosy.

The train stopped at another station; people walked in, people flowed out. The woman buried her face deep into her palms.

Mystified, I returned to my cellphone screen and thought to myself. How many times have I felt defeated enough to let myself break down on the local to and fro home? I remembered that one day work was so bad and I kept rethinking my decision about studying law and working at a firm and how I cried because I felt stuck. I thought of the times I’d cried out of helplessness even, blaming family on (now what feels like were) insignificant things. I looked up again; the lady was trying her best to hide herself and people around her, although squished into the aisle, seemed absolutely nonchalant. And why wouldn’t they?

That’s when the epiphany arose. Everyone’s got a tough life and we’re selfish enough to think we’re going through the worst.

I fished into my bag for a pack of tissues. There were two left in the pack. ‘Heck,’ I told myself, ‘she needs them more than I do.’ And at least on that day she did.

I offered her the tissues with a smile and mouthed ‘It’s okay,’ and I can bet she was a tad gratified because someone understood, if not what she was going through, then the fact that she was going through something.

Before she could say anything, I got up and went and stood next to the door for my stop. The upbeat music still played through my ears. And then, I was happy. Not because of how my day had unfolded out, but because how this little moment had warped itself into my day.

I was happy that I offered someone the path to a smile.

I was also happy to know that you are the most attractive version of yourself when you’re smiling and the happiness comes from within. Because if it doesn’t, you can’t spread it. So maybe that assuring factor comes from within too. It’s tough, and I’m still practicing, but totally worth it!

Spread the cheer. Make someone smile today! 🙂

x EdgyShark x

The Karma Cafe – The Distance Between Closure and Revenge

I think we’ve lost it as a country – arresting people for posting facebook statuses while living in a democracy and then screaming joy because a terrorist was finally sentenced to death. Disclaimer: Please do not read the rest of this thought if you think I’m being insensitive. If you’re interested in calling the cops, try me, I’m a law student. So for god’s sake, don’t blame this on me because I’m not a) creating any sort of enmity or b) inciting any individual against any form of government or political system.

I’m going to start with Kasab and what happened earlier this morning – in all secrecy, the man was hanged and put to death at the gallows after being charged for the monstrosity and atrocious acts that he committed in the city of Mumbai four years ago. In my opinion, the government should have just waited another five days and hung him on the 26th of November itself, for sentiment’s sake. However, I refuse to think this brings any kind of closure. It’s true, I have not been affected by the terrorism and neither have I experienced what it might be like to lose someone you love; fair enough, it must be the worst thing to go through in the universe, but how can someone even say that taking revenge, i.e., doing away with the man who killed someone I know and thus caused grief and insurmountable amounts of pain and tragedy, can help me feel better?

I’ve grown up reading Harry Potter so I know what that boy felt like. All his life, he wanted to kill Voldemort, but WHY? People fail to understand that he wanted to kill ol’ Voldie not because he killed his parents but because he also created a havoc and chaos and killed a billion other people.

What I’m trying to get at is that I find this entire concept to be flawed; I understand that procedure has to be followed and one must keep in mind the rule of law and equal protection for all people, no matter who they may be. Nonetheless, saying that his death has caused people closure is wrong. He was a human being caught in the middle of a game; he was a boy who grew up in the worst of company; again, Im NOT saying that it was not his fault, of course it was, but then saying that his death has brought the country closure is a ridiculous thought. Unless we catch all these terrorists and strengthen our defense system, we’re not going to get any closure. Unless we take action to stop spreading hate and animosity, we’re not going to get any closure!

Let the government do what it has to; it is not in the hands of the civilians to interfere with the working of the government unless they’re infringing upon their rights and doing something terribly wrong. Taking someone’s life, even if it may be rendered constitutional, still requires a number of things to be taken into account. It’s obviously understood that his death sentence and hanging has brought peace to those who lost their near and dear ones but for the rest of the nation? It’s a pretty retarded notion to have, “oh that’s awesome, Kasab’s dead, we are safe and we have closure.”

We have only duress to look forward to; we have a shameless world to look on to; we have a disgusting environment for the younger generations to grow up in. Instead of hating a country called ‘Pakistan’ which collectively, at least as per evidence, has done nothing as a whole, we need to look at this with a broader perspective. For Christ’s sake, a guy who spreads terror might have a Pakistani nationality but he could have studied abroad, received funding from abroad and other facilities from people abroad which have influenced and fueled his growth and development.

We need to stop blaming each other and start being the change that we want to see. We need to stop thinking about things like Kasab’s gone now it’s Guru’s turn. Most people do not even bother to read about their lives and see why the execution of their death sentence has been delayed. Instead of venturing into the nitty-gritties and simply discussing futile things over dinner, we bring nothing but disrespect for the judiciary and the executive. This is what unties our shoe strings as a nation, makes us vulnerable to the rest of the world and lets perpetrators infiltrate so easily.

Stop telling people what they need to do unless it is really required. We have smart people here and there and then we have an uneducated mass of people that get swayed easily by whatever someone says. (By uneducated, Im not targeting those that haven’t been to school because we have a ton of people that have received a great amount of education but have stashed all those years in a skeleton closet.)

There might be a hundred terrorists from Pakistan, but what’s the point if we go on killing all of them and playing the blame game? Dangerous terrorists need to be captured and agreed the Pakis need to start taking responsibility for the hate that they’re spreading and the hate that they’re spreading, but as a country, they might have some beautiful people too. On another note, anyone remember Malala Yousufaza, the Afghani supergirl?

People need to be slapped on their faces for calling this a ‘moment of joy’ because ask yourself HOW does this symbolize triumph in any way? I get that people may have lost their loved ones and the one who killed them needs to be hung to death, and now he has. But now that all this is done, isn’t closure going to really come in practicing some love and peace so that little Kasabs are not born time and again?

Screw Kasab, what happens to all those ridiculous Indians? Who you ask?

I’ll give you an in-exhaustive list of perverts, rapists, murderers, eve-teasers and what not who spread terror every single day. What about any kind of person causing violence and agitation among people? Forgotten Dhananjay Chatterjee? of course we have because all we want to do is talk about how Pakistan has butchered the well.

How is this helping the terrorism that’s taking over the rest of the world, the bomb that exploded in Tel Aviv as we speak? How can we say we’re looking for closure when all we’re talking about is being selfish? Like politicians aren’t goons in our country ripping us off our money and sentiment? If there’s anyone to blame its all human beings, and if it has to be brought down to specifics, it’s people with names and those that cause crimes. Given Kasab’s from Pakistan and that the country has not been admitting or accepting the kind of people they have been housing, but on another level doesn’t the same go to the Chief Minister of Maharashtra not replying to Katju, J.’s letter about the extremely arbitrary arrest of the two young girls in Mumbai?

It’s ridiculous that we blame each other for the nonsensical happenings that go on in our lives, much less forget that since we’re not strong as a nation, obviously an alien is going to take advantage of that situation because let’s face it we have individualistic needs. But stop spreading hate and eventually everything will be alright. You might have lost someone at a killer’s hands, but killing him is not going to make things better, it’s going to make you exactly what he was, even if he deserved it. These things are difficult to track down and understand, but the notion of moving on is full of loop holes if you actually assert and tell me that you will wake up tomorrow morning and everything will be rosy as a sunny Sunday morning.

The execution’s fine, but using it as an excuse to say it’s closure is not. He got what he deserved, in my mum’s words, he visited the Karma cafe, but you don’t want to be the one trying his shoes on next, so watch your aura and keep it clean.

Send out good vibes and stop politicizing nonsense.

x EdgyShark x

Forever Is An Illusion

There’s an absolutely ridiculous social networking applied idea that came to my notice a few days back; it’s called “WTF: Women Take Forever.” At first, it was alright, even mildly hilarious because sometimes, yes, women do (myself including) take a little more time getting ready and getting out of the house. But it’s not like men aren’t lazy or apply hair products and care about their skin too. But then, the guy who owns the page sent me an e-mail asking me to blog about it and help spearhead the entire movement so that it covers the rest of the planet within some time. I understand that writing this post might seem to spearhead it in some manner, but believe you me, I’m trying to do just the opposite. So anyway, I went through the information posted there and it really disgusted me to know there are men outright insulting women for taking  a little more time. And I understand there might be some women who in all actuality, DO take forever, but there are men like that too. (Some of them, called gay.) Here goes my reply to that guy, after much thought:

Hi

I went through your page but I really don’t see how after posting a status update about women commenting you want me to feature you on my blog or wear your tshirts. In case you didn’t notice, I belong to the female gender.
Also, I really don’t think all women take so much time because some of us do understand punctuality and have work and don’t believe in Spending all our free time on the mirror. Do remember, if a woman’s taking all that time, its to look good for her man. You’re probably thinking WTF now, huh? Its not like you’ve met all the women in the world to make such a movement permanent and the jobless pricks who have commented on your page are doing it coz they’re either bored, had a tiff with a woman or just need to vent out anger. Who better to scream at than your girlfriend?

Even if we took a year to put on clothes, face it, you’d still wait because you want to and you’re cribbing just to look cool in front of the other guys.
As for a movement, I think the country’s in a lot of deep shit and you could maybe spend the waiting time thinking about something entrepreneurial which could help bring about real welfare. If that happens, you have no one but a woman to thank.

P.S the reason I took ‘long’ to reply to you was because

A) I have been travelling a lot in the last week, and also at first dismissed your mail mistaking it to be spam and

B) I spent today contemplating how you wanted me to do you this favour by insulting my species.

Sincerely
Thanks

x EdgyShark x

Don’t Lose The Love

I am just extremely saddened by the negative energy that has been swooping past anyone and everyone, in the last few days. People just need to get a grip on themselves and RELAX. Paranoia never helped anyone and neither did screaming and getting frustrated for no reason, so just because you’re down in the dell doesn’t mean you have to pull others in there too.

This last year has been quite eventful for me personally, because I’ve done a lot and traveled far more than anyone else. I don’t care enough to divulge my memories and the shit that I’ve done because as of this moment, I’m alive and kicking, so there’s really no point pondering over what happened, what broke me or what fixed me. Because whatever happens, happens for the best.

I’m sick of devoting my psychological trips to understanding how other people would react or feel about what I’m doing, because honestly, if there’s anything I’ve realized, it’s that other people don’t feel this way. Why should I give a flying saucer about what I do if it’s not even meant to affect anyone and if others do not spend time thinking how I’d react to something they did.

Just do whatever the fuck you want and feel good about yourself because there’s really nothing else left to each passing day. I’m sick of people asking me where I am and what I’m doing and I should make a plan. I don’t want to meet anybody unless they want to meet me because it’s not really some sort of favour I’m doing by letting people know stuff that doesn’t even bother them at the end of the day.

I don’t care whether or not this revelation is going to cost me a social scenario because please let’s just calm down and look at the situation this way; how many people really bother to find out how you are, and I don’t mean just a hello on the phone. I’ve been bleeding senseless for the last ten days and almost had alien objects operated off my body and been stressed out by random doctors saying random nonsense and having some of the worst moments back in my college semester what with trying to keep up with making people happy and dealing with their immaturity.

So really, I’ve had my share of nonsense too, but I like to be positive and happy about it. Because even though the bad stuff is all I remember and it assists my migraines in popping out every now and then, I still remember how happy I felt looking at the open sky and stars and listening to Karthik and Kazim screaming Star Wars dialogues and pretending to be Jedis. Even though moments before that trip, I was worried about other people’s emotions, completely undermining my own.

I’m done with the drama and I’m happily living each day with subconscious sobriety. And in order to probe into your subconscious, you need help. Please do that research on your own, because I am not a therapist.

Please do contact me in case you’re looking for a mutually beneficial good time. Because after all, I’m just another individual looking in hopeless corners for happiness. And honestly, there are VERY few people in this world who have been able to inculcate those powers within themselves.

To all those who have stuck by me through thick and thin and will hopefully remember my birthday enough to put through a call (because I’m getting charged on roaming too, so let’s see who’s gonna be selfish) I salute you and it feels extremely warm in some corner of me, to be your true friend. And that list isn’t really a lot, and I’m glad it’s that way.

x EdgyShark x

P.S If you’re not happy with where you are then change it because you’re not a freaking tree.

The Road Less Taken

I don’t know how much that might be true, but there is someone who writes, and is kinda exactly like me.

This is just surreal, but I like when this happens. I gave it a little time, and I noticed that Priyanka, I’m just a 17 year old version of what you are. The same thoughts, the exact same wishes, at least to the extent of what I know you. We’re even Capricorns 😀 Except I’ve never been to Australia!

It’s funny how a blog can bring you close to defining someone, and I’d have never done this if I hadn’t found so many striking similarities. I don’t know about the exact seven lookalikes in the world, but I sure have found someone close to it.

Here’s to you, stranger. 🙂

xoxo

x EdgyShark x

The Big Fat Fun Sale

Sales are exciting, sure. But here’s a list of things you could keep yourself from doing at them:

  1. Do not get excited. Wait, that’s the first adjective I used here. Yet, I have a theory, the more you get excited at a sale, the more your energy levels lessen faster. So in order to sustain your happiness and keep it going longer, prevent the hormones from gushing out like water from a damn burst.
  2. Have a firm countenance. Sales are places where people lose all sense of sanity and go back to the Adam-al roots they came from. People go wild, crazy, berserk. Maintain your calm, and look scrutinize things sternly. Try and intimidate people so that you can grab whatever you want before they do.
  3. Do NOT be polite. No one is courteous at a sale. If they are, they’re faking it so that you can give in to their whims of having that single left pair of Prada shoes, half off.
  4. Saunter through the mess with speed. If you do not possess speed or agility, really, it’s no point even going to a sale. Build up these skills, and then go wild. Always carry a huge bag so that you can put in whatever you see and like. After you’re done, you can throw away what you don’t need and purchase the rest.
  5. Never, ever, ever wear high heels at a sale. Unless of course you have a couple of your girlfriends with you and you’re just on guard and going to kick someone in the shins with those deadly inches if they take what you want away.

  6. Do not ever ask your boyfriend to go to a sale with you. Because you’re going to end up with no clothes and a highly-excited-at-first-heavily-annoyed-man-later. There might just be a big break up scene on the cash counter too, if you’ve put him through this entire ordeal a couple of times earlier.
  7. Always ask a gay friend to go along with you. Trust me, he’s going to help you pick out the best things ever.
  8. Never go on a hungry stomach. Remember, this is as good a sport as any other.
  9. Always, always have a fashion anthem ringing in your head during the sale.
  10. Remember: A girl’s just as hot as the shoes she chooses.

x EdgyShark x

Male Chauvinist Pigs

No, I’m not going to name the place, the person or the printing press. Whoopsie, there you go, you got a hint.

So there’s this one newspaper that thinks it’s the bees knees. Honestly, we asked the deputy chief manager or whoever he was, of the plant, and he replied, “Oh yes, we are the best not only in India but in the world.” Sir may I ask, if you’ve kindly heard the names of the Wall Street Journal or the New York Times? Or even the Harvard journal, which is probably selling to more people than you are.

Just because you have the name of the nation on you, doesn’t mean you’re the best. In fact, you’re nothing but a user friendly paper eater. Because out of the impressive crores that you spend on your machines, you print more than half of the daily’s worth of advertisements. Not to forget the enormous amounts of paper, you so happily waste.

We went around the entire plant today, and towards the end of the field trip, I noticed there were no women out there. No women in the working departments, printing, advertising, nothing. Not a single woman in the horribly unkempt garden, nowhere near the gates. Except for that one female who was literally dripping of perfume but I think she only came to drop her husband off.

Yes, you’re an exceptional paper, but why such a disbalance? Alright, we understand for whatever your reasons may be. But when asked, all you can say is that, “Women are not as strong as men. They cannot handle pressure, they cannot do the printing job easily. And it’s not safe at night for them.” EXCUSE ME?

Are you freaking kidding me? And you call yourselves the best newspaper, internationally?! At least your answers to our questions could have been a lot less moronic. “So sir, are the same set of people working 24/7?” “No, of course not, we work in shifts.” Yes sir, you work in shifts and yet there are no women. I understand if they can’t work at night, but since you’re working in shifts, they could have easily done with working in the daytime. But yes, I get you, completely. Women cannot handle the pressure.

The entire presentation could also have worked a whole lot better if you didn’t spell out the letters F-L-I-R-T in bold while interacting with young girls, skeptic about the actual process of a day of printing.

Of course it’s not safe. “We had some 4-5 girls in our batch,” he says with that silly smirk on his face, “But you see, they couldn’t handle it.” He laughs. Yes sir, of course they couldn’t handle it. If you keep on your coquettish airs and don’t learn to be professional, no woman’s ever going to put on those pants and get inked.

It’s people like you who make it unsafe for women. Heard of call centers? Women work there throughout the night. And you’re supposed to be the best newspaper in the world.

Yes sir, please print that on the front page of your early edition tomorrow. Well, Brutus said you were all honourable men.

And in Scrooge’s words, (slightly abridged) “Every idiot who goes about with ‘Women can’t do this, women can’t do that’ on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!”

x EdgyShark x

Urban Dictionary: Distance

1. Distance

A big, huge, ugly thing that keeps friends, best friends, lovers and others away from each other. distance usually causes random phrases like “i miss you!” or “my day is always worse with out you like today! =(”

Guy; distance sucks =( girl; EWWWIE DISTANCE!!!


2. Distance

An excuse that one person in a relationship uses to dump another, often cover for other problems in the relationship that said person will not admit.

“It’s not that I don’t love you, I just can’t handle the distance.”

Courtesy: UD

x EdgyShark x

Three Species: No Wait, That’s Idiots

Urmika: Throws hot red Manolo Blahnik at Vora.
Digveer: I doubt Vora would know its value. She would probably chop off the heel make it into a bunch of toothpicks.

weird.bmp

This is like better than the Mona Lisa

Shreya(Vora): I dont like Blahniks. I prefer Jimmy Choos.
Urmika: Promiscuous tastes, dahhling.
Shreya: “Buuuut, vuww, you’re dodging the topic” *Urmika throws the other one at Digveer” That was supposed to be in asterisks.
Urmika: No, I will not.
Shreya: Digveer caresses it
Urmika: Because you’re being stupid. And D and I probably share more wholesome complications than that.
Digveer: Any decent psychologist would call you sexually frustrated , Vora.

Yes, we are like that only.

x EdgyShark x