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Goin’ Downtown

I’m trying to have a very hard time deciding what I want to do for the start of my 20th year on this godforsaken planet. The answer’s simple, I want to do something that involves not a soul but myself because I’m really tired of everyone. There’s not a single person that I can count on without making me feel like pure balderdash about everything.

I’m done thinking every damn thing is my fault, and at this point, even if it is, I really don’t care. Gone are the days when people actually bothered or thought something highly of me. Gone are the days when people went out of their way to do something for me.

When I ask someone to get me some treasured red Dom from a duty free shop I don’t expect their reply to be ‘guess what, I’l just buy it here in India it’s not big deal’. It’s kind of a big deal when you spent hours purchasing malt for your friends and conveniently forgot about me.

It’s kind of a big deal when someone talks about every wonderful thing every individual has done to them and when it comes to me, you make a countenance expressing utmost disgust sneaking a whiff of ‘stop eating my brains out’.

Man, I sure don’t look like it, but I have feelings too. But I guess that’s the extent of my independent nature – it’s taken me to a place where I truly don’t need anyone to do anything for me. Yet I recall a hundred instances where others, no matter how un-needy they were, still had people flocking towards them like a moth to a flame.

https://i1.wp.com/fc02.deviantart.net/fs20/f/2007/282/8/7/877a5ea78fafb446.jpg

I want to live in a world where bother is unknown and someone cares. And that care is not reduced to the likes of annoyance making me feel guilty for every wrong happened to every man on earth.

I want to be alone, so alone that I don’t hear a single voice emanating anywhere and that I have finally found peace in my mind and my heart.

For the start of my 20th year here on this godforsaken planet, I want to feel a blank space.

x EdgyShark x

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The Karma Cafe – The Distance Between Closure and Revenge

I think we’ve lost it as a country – arresting people for posting facebook statuses while living in a democracy and then screaming joy because a terrorist was finally sentenced to death. Disclaimer: Please do not read the rest of this thought if you think I’m being insensitive. If you’re interested in calling the cops, try me, I’m a law student. So for god’s sake, don’t blame this on me because I’m not a) creating any sort of enmity or b) inciting any individual against any form of government or political system.

I’m going to start with Kasab and what happened earlier this morning – in all secrecy, the man was hanged and put to death at the gallows after being charged for the monstrosity and atrocious acts that he committed in the city of Mumbai four years ago. In my opinion, the government should have just waited another five days and hung him on the 26th of November itself, for sentiment’s sake. However, I refuse to think this brings any kind of closure. It’s true, I have not been affected by the terrorism and neither have I experienced what it might be like to lose someone you love; fair enough, it must be the worst thing to go through in the universe, but how can someone even say that taking revenge, i.e., doing away with the man who killed someone I know and thus caused grief and insurmountable amounts of pain and tragedy, can help me feel better?

I’ve grown up reading Harry Potter so I know what that boy felt like. All his life, he wanted to kill Voldemort, but WHY? People fail to understand that he wanted to kill ol’ Voldie not because he killed his parents but because he also created a havoc and chaos and killed a billion other people.

What I’m trying to get at is that I find this entire concept to be flawed; I understand that procedure has to be followed and one must keep in mind the rule of law and equal protection for all people, no matter who they may be. Nonetheless, saying that his death has caused people closure is wrong. He was a human being caught in the middle of a game; he was a boy who grew up in the worst of company; again, Im NOT saying that it was not his fault, of course it was, but then saying that his death has brought the country closure is a ridiculous thought. Unless we catch all these terrorists and strengthen our defense system, we’re not going to get any closure. Unless we take action to stop spreading hate and animosity, we’re not going to get any closure!

Let the government do what it has to; it is not in the hands of the civilians to interfere with the working of the government unless they’re infringing upon their rights and doing something terribly wrong. Taking someone’s life, even if it may be rendered constitutional, still requires a number of things to be taken into account. It’s obviously understood that his death sentence and hanging has brought peace to those who lost their near and dear ones but for the rest of the nation? It’s a pretty retarded notion to have, “oh that’s awesome, Kasab’s dead, we are safe and we have closure.”

We have only duress to look forward to; we have a shameless world to look on to; we have a disgusting environment for the younger generations to grow up in. Instead of hating a country called ‘Pakistan’ which collectively, at least as per evidence, has done nothing as a whole, we need to look at this with a broader perspective. For Christ’s sake, a guy who spreads terror might have a Pakistani nationality but he could have studied abroad, received funding from abroad and other facilities from people abroad which have influenced and fueled his growth and development.

We need to stop blaming each other and start being the change that we want to see. We need to stop thinking about things like Kasab’s gone now it’s Guru’s turn. Most people do not even bother to read about their lives and see why the execution of their death sentence has been delayed. Instead of venturing into the nitty-gritties and simply discussing futile things over dinner, we bring nothing but disrespect for the judiciary and the executive. This is what unties our shoe strings as a nation, makes us vulnerable to the rest of the world and lets perpetrators infiltrate so easily.

Stop telling people what they need to do unless it is really required. We have smart people here and there and then we have an uneducated mass of people that get swayed easily by whatever someone says. (By uneducated, Im not targeting those that haven’t been to school because we have a ton of people that have received a great amount of education but have stashed all those years in a skeleton closet.)

There might be a hundred terrorists from Pakistan, but what’s the point if we go on killing all of them and playing the blame game? Dangerous terrorists need to be captured and agreed the Pakis need to start taking responsibility for the hate that they’re spreading and the hate that they’re spreading, but as a country, they might have some beautiful people too. On another note, anyone remember Malala Yousufaza, the Afghani supergirl?

People need to be slapped on their faces for calling this a ‘moment of joy’ because ask yourself HOW does this symbolize triumph in any way? I get that people may have lost their loved ones and the one who killed them needs to be hung to death, and now he has. But now that all this is done, isn’t closure going to really come in practicing some love and peace so that little Kasabs are not born time and again?

Screw Kasab, what happens to all those ridiculous Indians? Who you ask?

I’ll give you an in-exhaustive list of perverts, rapists, murderers, eve-teasers and what not who spread terror every single day. What about any kind of person causing violence and agitation among people? Forgotten Dhananjay Chatterjee? of course we have because all we want to do is talk about how Pakistan has butchered the well.

How is this helping the terrorism that’s taking over the rest of the world, the bomb that exploded in Tel Aviv as we speak? How can we say we’re looking for closure when all we’re talking about is being selfish? Like politicians aren’t goons in our country ripping us off our money and sentiment? If there’s anyone to blame its all human beings, and if it has to be brought down to specifics, it’s people with names and those that cause crimes. Given Kasab’s from Pakistan and that the country has not been admitting or accepting the kind of people they have been housing, but on another level doesn’t the same go to the Chief Minister of Maharashtra not replying to Katju, J.’s letter about the extremely arbitrary arrest of the two young girls in Mumbai?

It’s ridiculous that we blame each other for the nonsensical happenings that go on in our lives, much less forget that since we’re not strong as a nation, obviously an alien is going to take advantage of that situation because let’s face it we have individualistic needs. But stop spreading hate and eventually everything will be alright. You might have lost someone at a killer’s hands, but killing him is not going to make things better, it’s going to make you exactly what he was, even if he deserved it. These things are difficult to track down and understand, but the notion of moving on is full of loop holes if you actually assert and tell me that you will wake up tomorrow morning and everything will be rosy as a sunny Sunday morning.

The execution’s fine, but using it as an excuse to say it’s closure is not. He got what he deserved, in my mum’s words, he visited the Karma cafe, but you don’t want to be the one trying his shoes on next, so watch your aura and keep it clean.

Send out good vibes and stop politicizing nonsense.

x EdgyShark x

It’s Been A Long Time

Today was a decent day at work because I came in, knew what I had to work on and immediately began on the file. Also, there was some confusion in the morning as everyone was on their knees looking for a copy of ‘Philosophy of Evidence’ as if they were actually looking for a lost mouse on the office floor. I tried to help because obviously they would love me if I’d have been able to seek it, but we kinda found out that it was lying in the boss’ car all that while, and it was his negligence that had caused the office to turn into four year old idiots transiently.

I sat down with my case with great gusto knowing that the boss had himself given it to me, and also knowing fully well that today being a Friday, I might get a shot at leaving early and going to have fun actually wearing a pair of jeans and a top that doesn’t have a collar or reek of formality.

But my sub conscious self however kicked in and suddenly as I was sifting through the photos on my laptop (The net wasn’t working there either, so its some DNS issue with me being cursed when it comes to IP access) I came to the sad revelation that I, as a person, am as tiny as it gets and I’m never going to grow taller.

I felt so funny standing there in two inch heels. Like who the hell am I kidding? As if that’s ever going to make a difference. Now I know what you must be thinking, this is purely an episode that’s playing in my head. However, it makes me feel like people don’t take me seriously or professionally because of my size.  I mean, come on! For God’s sake, Im earning as much as graduates do, and I have a brain the size of the universe. But whatever.

I’ve been drowning myself in a pool of work trying to save a total tard who’s filed a petition against his dad, who’s dad has apparently acted unlawfully by increasing the authorized share capital and what not. Seriously?

Anyway, I’m going to make myself non insignificant, non irrelevant and non inconsequential if I can. Because really, those are the things I’ve been feeling.

x EdgyShark x

Three Times-A Charm?

I feel like Reese Witherspoon from Legally Blonde. (All parts.) Except, in blue though, not so much pink. Note to self: wear nothing other than black and white from tomorrow. Anyway, today I was given a task on the Civil Procedure Code, and if you looked at its size, you’d pass out, at least secretly in your mind for about three seconds. The internet is also functioning, hence this post straight from the advocate’s desk!, but I spent most of the morning trying to make my browser work.

How irritating is it when everything, including sexy torrent speeds working and your browser not being able to open google.com?! I’m not even sure I can understand what I need to comprehend in the CPC. I met the boss this morning, he’s such a fun guy. Thank goodness he’s the authority around here, because he seemed to be really smart and out going and spent some time talking to me. He thinks I’m a small kid, so yay! brownie points right there. He’s taking me to court tomorrow 😀 I noticed a copy of Steve Jobs’ biography and connected with him on that level too.

Today, I learnt to take the auto on my own from my dilapidated place of stay to the workplace and realized that I wasted thirty precious bucks on a ten minute walk. Anyway, *dumb blonde moments in progress* I have to get back to understanding the VIth Order now. I’ve done that, and I’ve read Davies on Contract, but I just feel like a lost kitten in a pile of books.

MEAOW?

x EdgyShark x

The End of an Era

Undoubtedly, the worst part of the year has just about begun. Or it could count as one of the best. Even though 2010 isn’t yet over, I’m pretty sure it’s been a hell of a year for me. I’ve loved every bit of it.

Especially this next bit – Attending school for the very last time in my life.

Here’s to the last fourteen years; because we only believe in stepping stones. 😀

x EdgyShark x

The Forgotten Homeland

I had a fairly tough time explaining to my chauffeur earlier this evening, as to why, we as humble citizens of this nation should not succumb to fear and ridiculing, that politicians around us make us feel. The roads were empty as he drove irritated in order to make me reach yet another of my casual frolic filled appointment with a friend.

I put my earphones back in as I heard him use the hindi equivalents for ‘snob’, ‘always do what you feel like’, and ‘never understand my point of view’.

The Ayodhya verdict was finally out and it’s been decided, quite obviously, to divide the land equally so that everyone gets a fair share and our country witnesses its first civilized exchange of greetings, on a national scale, on the basis of religion at least.

Terrorism and violence or nothing at all, most people stayed ‘safely’ locked in their own homes, trying to breach out comforts from their television sets, because that’s what apparently “everyone else is doing too, so I should follow suit.”

Let’s first look at the objective of spreading terror or simply getting into a not-called-for public brawl: The idea is to instill a sense of unnecessary fear in the minds of the irrelevant, because they are the target group that consists of the unaware and the ones who simply wouldn’t bother much. People like you and me; Of course we feel for our country, but tomorrow if some monument got demolished, it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Because we have been taught to embrace things with grace, and that comes with time and patience – where time may not heal things, but simply make us forget about certain facts, which otherwise remain recorded in the books of the legislature at large.

Do you think it’s wrong if I called you a hypocrite when one hand you blame these political parties, and on the other quite obediently listen to them when they impose strikes and riots without taking your consent?

It’s time to handle things more maturely. It’s high time to practice exactly what we preach, or have been preaching. Gandhi, the father of our proud nation, once taught us the meaning of a simple word: non-violence. That was one thing that the foreigner colonies were not able to take away from us; that was one specialized resource that no East India Company was able to siphon off from us.

So where is that simple emotion lost today? Is Gandhi’s birthday only to be celebrated as another day off on school calendars, another day off to sleep in on a working day or another bottle of alcohol to cherish on the first night of October because the next day can be spent working off the hangover since it’s a public holiday?

And you call yourself a citizen of this nation? On what grounds?

Take the day off, sure. But let some positivity and enthusiasm to do something better thrive within your conscience. Learn to say no to what you feel is wrong, with an open heart, because differences only creep in due to negative emotions.

These great men have become a part of history for a greater cause. They tried to feign evil and wrong doing in the most sophisticated manner possible, known. Yet, that’s not all. They’ve left behind a legacy for the rest of us to follow, something that’s rotting away with time and getting lost in this world that we’re living in.

Something that is getting mauled by the over-adoption of western cultures; something that is already ours, which we might possibly only learn to value after it will be lost within this ever expanding universe of conformity.

So open your minds quicker, time’s ticking away.

x EdgyShark x

Today Was A Fairytale

Well, not quite. I’ve had better PROPER fairytale days. *Reminisces*

But;

  1. I found my jeans.
  2. I found my wallet 😀 😀
  3. I found my missing piece of mind.

x EdgyShark x

Trumping The Positive

You can only hope that the world you’re living in, is something that you’re actually living. What if everything around you is nothing but a projection of your own subconscious? What if everything that you’re actually living, turns out to be a lie?

But you wouldn’t know, would you? Because it’s the power of the mind, you’re very own subconscious that’s feeding these thoughts into you like a parasite. You can’t resist it, and on another level you do not even want to resist it. It’s playing a trick on you, something for which you might have to pay a very high price for later.

But you can’t stop what it’s doing to you, because on another level, you want it to continue. Because after all, it is but you’re mind and your thoughts that are causing it to do whatever it is that it is doing, thinking about.

Where does reality begin? Is it where the artificial world ends?

Everything is what you think it to be. Projections of your own subconscious, something that is beyond the control of your grasp when you’re awake, but perfectly in tandem with your emotions when you’re in a state of dormancy. It’s ironic, isn’t it? How you’re able to control something better when you’re not doing anything?

At least you think you’re not doing anything, but is that the truth? Who knows what’s happening when your eyes are shut to the world. The world you think you live in.

You think.

But you don’t know for sure.

Every single time a positive emotion takes over your mind, it is bound to take place in reality unless it becomes ill equipped with bouts of negativity. There is no one capable of making you think out what could be even if it is not what is meant to be. What has to happen, will happen. But isn’t that something that you can control?

Water will flow, the sun will shine. Those aren’t things that you can take care of, but are things that could be present in your world. What if I told you there is nothing of that sort in my world? My world where things happen how I want them to.

My world, where whatever I wish takes place. Things I do not even know I wish for, happen. Because even if it is my existence, your existence, you’re thinking about that each and every projection and how it goes about it’s daily routine.

And at the end of the day, when you come back and lie down on your pillow, it’s the time when you don’t think about a single figment of your mind, but what it is that affects you and how it is that affects you. Melts you down, makes you stronger, stranger.

And at that moment, everything seems real, until you fall into a state of bliss again. Not knowing what is going to happen next, or what might have been had you not fallen prey to your own self.

Your greatest enemy, your best friend.

The only thing that you shoudl treat like God, yet you invite foreign particles into your thinking and slowly, with time, fool yourself into believing that you are not the sole entity of your own existence.

It is then that you invite trouble. In order to take the lime light off yourself and not be the center of attention. Gradually and eventually, you begin to treat yourself as the enemy and forget where you commenced. You forget that even though you might not be the most vital aspect of the universe, but you are the single most important thing of your own existence.

And that is all that matters, because who is to say that the others around you are not real but are actually your imagination?

But you will never know that, even when at the last moment, it all comes scathing in a rush to tell you that it’s your last chance to survive in the game.

x EdgyShark x

Fragile

Is it real, my imagination?
Or is it playing the heavy role of a masquerade?
The pain, it has to be. But you wouldn’t know
Would you?
It will sting you too one day because
If there’s one thing every
Person feels, it is
Pain.
In whatever amount it might be, but
You see I’m not a liar
As much as you can’t help me.
Because even if it is my imagination, it
Is my pain.
And I don’t want to be healed
By you.
My life will have its own ironies, and
My pain is something you will not
Feel.
I have found my source
Of Comfort. And I don’t
Need You.
Because you see, if you think
I’m lying, how do I know
For sure that you’re not?
But to put you on an honor roll by
Writing about you would be blasphemy.
So this is for all those
Who understood my
Pain
And helped to heal my mind
So it can heal
The Pain
By Itself.
x EdgyShark x

Beeeeeera!

What was not to like? The cold story line, the leftover drama or the excellent sense of cinematography and direction?

Take your pick. The title track’s a favourite and I’m sad it only played during the opening credits.

Honestly though, a theatrical play could have been made out of the same thing and saved on a lot of costs. You cannot go wrong with the beats, the grooves and the music and you probably already know that Mani Ratnam is a freaking wizard. I wonder whether AB behaves the same in reality or not. I loved the location, the sets and the fact that Beera actually means Beer like Raavana is actually Raavan.

Haha.

x EdgyShark x