Goin’ Downtown

I’m trying to have a very hard time deciding what I want to do for the start of my 20th year on this godforsaken planet. The answer’s simple, I want to do something that involves not a soul but myself because I’m really tired of everyone. There’s not a single person that I can count on without making me feel like pure balderdash about everything.

I’m done thinking every damn thing is my fault, and at this point, even if it is, I really don’t care. Gone are the days when people actually bothered or thought something highly of me. Gone are the days when people went out of their way to do something for me.

When I ask someone to get me some treasured red Dom from a duty free shop I don’t expect their reply to be ‘guess what, I’l just buy it here in India it’s not big deal’. It’s kind of a big deal when you spent hours purchasing malt for your friends and conveniently forgot about me.

It’s kind of a big deal when someone talks about every wonderful thing every individual has done to them and when it comes to me, you make a countenance expressing utmost disgust sneaking a whiff of ‘stop eating my brains out’.

Man, I sure don’t look like it, but I have feelings too. But I guess that’s the extent of my independent nature – it’s taken me to a place where I truly don’t need anyone to do anything for me. Yet I recall a hundred instances where others, no matter how un-needy they were, still had people flocking towards them like a moth to a flame.

I want to live in a world where bother is unknown and someone cares. And that care is not reduced to the likes of annoyance making me feel guilty for every wrong happened to every man on earth.

I want to be alone, so alone that I don’t hear a single voice emanating anywhere and that I have finally found peace in my mind and my heart.

For the start of my 20th year here on this godforsaken planet, I want to feel a blank space.

x EdgyShark x

The Karma Cafe – The Distance Between Closure and Revenge

I think we’ve lost it as a country – arresting people for posting facebook statuses while living in a democracy and then screaming joy because a terrorist was finally sentenced to death. Disclaimer: Please do not read the rest of this thought if you think I’m being insensitive. If you’re interested in calling the cops, try me, I’m a law student. So for god’s sake, don’t blame this on me because I’m not a) creating any sort of enmity or b) inciting any individual against any form of government or political system.

I’m going to start with Kasab and what happened earlier this morning – in all secrecy, the man was hanged and put to death at the gallows after being charged for the monstrosity and atrocious acts that he committed in the city of Mumbai four years ago. In my opinion, the government should have just waited another five days and hung him on the 26th of November itself, for sentiment’s sake. However, I refuse to think this brings any kind of closure. It’s true, I have not been affected by the terrorism and neither have I experienced what it might be like to lose someone you love; fair enough, it must be the worst thing to go through in the universe, but how can someone even say that taking revenge, i.e., doing away with the man who killed someone I know and thus caused grief and insurmountable amounts of pain and tragedy, can help me feel better?

I’ve grown up reading Harry Potter so I know what that boy felt like. All his life, he wanted to kill Voldemort, but WHY? People fail to understand that he wanted to kill ol’ Voldie not because he killed his parents but because he also created a havoc and chaos and killed a billion other people.

What I’m trying to get at is that I find this entire concept to be flawed; I understand that procedure has to be followed and one must keep in mind the rule of law and equal protection for all people, no matter who they may be. Nonetheless, saying that his death has caused people closure is wrong. He was a human being caught in the middle of a game; he was a boy who grew up in the worst of company; again, Im NOT saying that it was not his fault, of course it was, but then saying that his death has brought the country closure is a ridiculous thought. Unless we catch all these terrorists and strengthen our defense system, we’re not going to get any closure. Unless we take action to stop spreading hate and animosity, we’re not going to get any closure!

Let the government do what it has to; it is not in the hands of the civilians to interfere with the working of the government unless they’re infringing upon their rights and doing something terribly wrong. Taking someone’s life, even if it may be rendered constitutional, still requires a number of things to be taken into account. It’s obviously understood that his death sentence and hanging has brought peace to those who lost their near and dear ones but for the rest of the nation? It’s a pretty retarded notion to have, “oh that’s awesome, Kasab’s dead, we are safe and we have closure.”

We have only duress to look forward to; we have a shameless world to look on to; we have a disgusting environment for the younger generations to grow up in. Instead of hating a country called ‘Pakistan’ which collectively, at least as per evidence, has done nothing as a whole, we need to look at this with a broader perspective. For Christ’s sake, a guy who spreads terror might have a Pakistani nationality but he could have studied abroad, received funding from abroad and other facilities from people abroad which have influenced and fueled his growth and development.

We need to stop blaming each other and start being the change that we want to see. We need to stop thinking about things like Kasab’s gone now it’s Guru’s turn. Most people do not even bother to read about their lives and see why the execution of their death sentence has been delayed. Instead of venturing into the nitty-gritties and simply discussing futile things over dinner, we bring nothing but disrespect for the judiciary and the executive. This is what unties our shoe strings as a nation, makes us vulnerable to the rest of the world and lets perpetrators infiltrate so easily.

Stop telling people what they need to do unless it is really required. We have smart people here and there and then we have an uneducated mass of people that get swayed easily by whatever someone says. (By uneducated, Im not targeting those that haven’t been to school because we have a ton of people that have received a great amount of education but have stashed all those years in a skeleton closet.)

There might be a hundred terrorists from Pakistan, but what’s the point if we go on killing all of them and playing the blame game? Dangerous terrorists need to be captured and agreed the Pakis need to start taking responsibility for the hate that they’re spreading and the hate that they’re spreading, but as a country, they might have some beautiful people too. On another note, anyone remember Malala Yousufaza, the Afghani supergirl?

People need to be slapped on their faces for calling this a ‘moment of joy’ because ask yourself HOW does this symbolize triumph in any way? I get that people may have lost their loved ones and the one who killed them needs to be hung to death, and now he has. But now that all this is done, isn’t closure going to really come in practicing some love and peace so that little Kasabs are not born time and again?

Screw Kasab, what happens to all those ridiculous Indians? Who you ask?

I’ll give you an in-exhaustive list of perverts, rapists, murderers, eve-teasers and what not who spread terror every single day. What about any kind of person causing violence and agitation among people? Forgotten Dhananjay Chatterjee? of course we have because all we want to do is talk about how Pakistan has butchered the well.

How is this helping the terrorism that’s taking over the rest of the world, the bomb that exploded in Tel Aviv as we speak? How can we say we’re looking for closure when all we’re talking about is being selfish? Like politicians aren’t goons in our country ripping us off our money and sentiment? If there’s anyone to blame its all human beings, and if it has to be brought down to specifics, it’s people with names and those that cause crimes. Given Kasab’s from Pakistan and that the country has not been admitting or accepting the kind of people they have been housing, but on another level doesn’t the same go to the Chief Minister of Maharashtra not replying to Katju, J.’s letter about the extremely arbitrary arrest of the two young girls in Mumbai?

It’s ridiculous that we blame each other for the nonsensical happenings that go on in our lives, much less forget that since we’re not strong as a nation, obviously an alien is going to take advantage of that situation because let’s face it we have individualistic needs. But stop spreading hate and eventually everything will be alright. You might have lost someone at a killer’s hands, but killing him is not going to make things better, it’s going to make you exactly what he was, even if he deserved it. These things are difficult to track down and understand, but the notion of moving on is full of loop holes if you actually assert and tell me that you will wake up tomorrow morning and everything will be rosy as a sunny Sunday morning.

The execution’s fine, but using it as an excuse to say it’s closure is not. He got what he deserved, in my mum’s words, he visited the Karma cafe, but you don’t want to be the one trying his shoes on next, so watch your aura and keep it clean.

Send out good vibes and stop politicizing nonsense.

x EdgyShark x

Hello Contracts

I started work and the worst part about the almost swanky office is that the internet never functions. Or maybe there’s a mini glitch with the DNS lookup on my laptop. Im staying with a bunch of loser girls in some random PG in some totally random part of Delhi and I cannot wait to get out of this place and into somewhere more homely with some wonderful people. But well, that’s life I guess. Well, for the next three weeks at least.

All I’ve been doing is sitting on my cute little butt all day long and studying contracts. Tomorrow, I begin with arbitration. My boss wasn’t even around today, so I just sat around and told myself that I might as well make use of the desk chair, good environment and library and study on my own if nothing else. So basically, there’s a PA who keeps bringing me food every three hours and I study and read on my own. And there’s no internet to distract me, so apart from the occasional BBM, I’m pretty much focused. I’m hoping things turn around very very soon. I’ll soon get jiggy with the advocates and try and make them take me to court. Otherwise I’m not gonna bother with the black tie syndrome and will just do whatever I want to.

x EdgyShark x

Quaking Patience In Bits And Pieces

“If we weren’t unanimous about keeping our lives so much in motion, if we could do nothing for once, perhaps a greater silence would interrupt this sadness, this never understanding ourselves and threatening ourselves with death, perhaps the earth is teaching us when everything seems to be dead and then everything is alive.” – Pablo Neruda

The earth shattering, people-stirring, ground shaking earthquake in Japan’s moved the entire world, if not other planets in the galaxy, to a great extent. Suddenly, people are thinking about the 2012 movie and pledging to the grateful dead. And it got me wondering, why does every earthquake take place in Japan? Why does every tsunami or hurricane hit the worst in the Americas?

The reason simply put is this: Because there is no introspection taking place in these countries.

According to almost all kinds of sources available in the world today, Japan and the US are the two countries that have been striving to outdo each other in almost every aspect. The competition began on a personal level and went on defy boundaries on the continents. In terms of economics, social and cultural patterns, and modern technology, the fight has been going on like undefeated warriors in the arenas of the ancient Romans.

No  one wants to stop, no one is willing to put a hold on anything and give a little credit to the other. No matter how many years go by, the two countries will continue to compete and kill.

The Egyptians hold a great amount of glory for their undisputed past; Every other person in India is so well educated in terms of his roots and values if not for knowledge and learning; The reason for vanity in the Europeans is their rich culture and holding on to it all despite all the changes taking place in the world.

At least in these places, even if there is some amount of advancement taking place, people owe it to their forefathers and not jump onto the bandwagon to perfect the creation asap?

What I’m trying to say is that just like Neruda wrote (and I quoted on top)  that people are so obsessed with “being modern” and creating more and more technology that they forget the fact that they control computers and not the other way around. This has been happening the most in countries like Japan and the US.

All kinds of scope for positivity has been lost in a manner that the only kind of emotion people spread onto others is their negative retrospect about things. Plus, it’s easier to share negativity in hopes of shoving it on someone else in the process and trying to forget the bad things existed.

People in these countries do not take time out to worship nature or thank it for what it has done and are facing the green war now. There is no silence; only the buzz of engines and machinery at all times of the day.

People have forgotten what they were in the beginning of time and where they come from. They forget that their only job is to spread love and peace among mankind. When the world ends, all technology will too. But if people survive, they will be living on to the threads of love that they were given by others.

Our planet is probably trying to teach us a lesson by letting us know, that if we do not keep silent on our part, it will not as well. There’s no time being taken out to introspect within and find out the source of happiness from people. Unless people try and look inside their now turned bleak hearts, they will be able to witness the kind of sadness they have been causing themselves due to so much neglect.

Why are people NOW saying Pray For Japan? Why weren’t people praying before? Because they didn’t know the consequences of their acts then, and now they do. Every single time a calamity hits naturally, people begin to understand how important the planet is to us and then with time, soon forget that it can jolly well come back and pinch us right on the nose without us being aware.

The damage is done. The only thing they can hope for now is that the praying brings about some sort of harmony within humanity in a way that people stop trying to achieve more and more all the time. Life is not a big fucking competition, and people need to get that in their heads.

So STOP and listen to your hearts and do something nice for a change. All this vying and negativity is easy to vent out and good once in a while, but in the long run it makes you turn against yourself.

And then there’s really no coming back.

x EdgyShark x

The Trouble With A Bad Nose

First up a giveaway: http://asavingmomssanity.blogspot.com/2011/03/test-birthday-bash-park-ave-shirt.html#comment-form

You end up cursing your nose so much and wish it wasn’t ever there to begin with. But then think about it, if you didn’t have a nose how the hell would you smell ?

(That rhymed, but that’s beside the point.)

People can’t really comprehend you when you speak because everything ends up sound like BOB.

Your M’s become B’s and N’s become D’s. And then soon, the sound of your own voice begins to distract you to the power of infinity.

At night, you’re forced to sleep with your mouth a little bit open, because otherwise where will the oxygen come in from? And in the morning, you end up feeling like a dog who had his tongue out the window on a drive from Bangalore to Coorg and his tonsils have become dry ice.

So long, suckas!

x EdgyShark x

A Hung Up Thought Process

I think the reason for the title kind of gives away the fact that this post is coming in way later than it should have. In any case, last night, was a little painful. I switched off everything, and just lay there thinking; and I noticed that everything had stopped moving. Except for the unnatural ticking of the clock, which was also a farce I  believe, nothing was in motion.

I was, I am living in an instant.

And I realized. I realized that it’s the end of a thought process for me. I lay there looking at these photographs on my wall, and the only reason I haven’t taken them down is because I think the color matches my walls, not because I’m still hung up on the people in them. Because there’s only so many chances you can give someone.

I scrolled through my contacts and realized there wasn’t a single person I could call. Well, except for maybe babush didi, but I wanted to let her be.  I realized that I had some forty useless contacts taking up my phone memory which I finally mustered the courage enough to delete from that portion of my existence.

I realized that sometimes it’s important to give yourself some you time, but what if you want to spend that moment with someone else, what do you do then? I realized thus, that it’s become a good habit to speak to imaginary people, and that over the last few months, I’ve made some very good imaginary relationships.

I realized what pain feels like. I paid very close attention to the way my insides were molding into each other, and I paid close attention to that tingling sensation creeping on my skin. I felt sad, but I felt like I’d achieved something because most people can’t even describe emotions. But now, I can describe to you, purely and well, both the extremes.

I realized that in life, there’s nothing worth giving primary importance to because sometimes, you just gotta drive on all the roads at the same time. Some people might say, there’s nothing like that, but I beg to differ. I think that if you have the strength and the will, then you can mesh all the charcoal on all the roads that you want to take and lead them into one destination.

I realized that I’m happy I’ve begun my travels and that they’ve given me ample amount of things to think about. And I realized that sometimes, it’s okay to be immature, but every moment is not always about you. In the last one year, I’ve learnt to be selfless and if you’re just too darn busy to notice it, or have a mindset that includes me being a selfish brat for life, then I have nothing to say to that.

I’ve learnt to appreciate the finer things in life, unlike the very popular cliche that people randomly adopt,  the tinier things in life, the feel of living and loving. And learning more.

In it’s true sense.

x EdgyShark x

Extreme Psyche

“I’m the one that has to die when I die, so let me live my life as I want to.”

x EdgyShark x

The End of an Era

Undoubtedly, the worst part of the year has just about begun. Or it could count as one of the best. Even though 2010 isn’t yet over, I’m pretty sure it’s been a hell of a year for me. I’ve loved every bit of it.

Especially this next bit – Attending school for the very last time in my life.

Here’s to the last fourteen years; because we only believe in stepping stones. 😀

x EdgyShark x

Things You Can’t Do Without Your Thumb

Here’s a list of all the things that you apparently cannot do without your thumb. Especially your right thumb:

• Open a door.
• Eat your food.
• Apply toothpaste on your toothbrush without getting it all over the basin.
• Write. YOU CANNOT WRITE. 😦
• Type fast. (It saves time!)
• Pick up a baby.
• Pick up anything for that matter.
• Smack someone on their face.
• Let someone kiss your thumb. It hurts bloody hell!
• Turn a page.
• Did I mention you can’t write?
• Watch TV without thinking about it.
• Play an instrument.
• Play volleyball.
• Or throwball. OR basketball. OR POOL.
• Do gardening. Not that I’m interested, but I’d like to have the option.
• Open a packet of chips.
• Play thumb wars.

x EdgyShark x

Broken Strings

Literally. On my thumb.

So life is very hard. Very, very hard. I will soon compile a list of things that cannot be done when you lose your right thumb, and then you can try and put it in a sling and try it out to see for yourself.

I am on my way to ambi-dexterity. I told  you I was a prodigy. Except where economics is concerned, apparently.

x EdgyShark x